Entertainment
ABC's 'Mixology' Premiere Included These 10 Horrendously Offensive Jokes
ABC's high-concept comedy Mixology premiered Wednesday night, and if you haven't watched it, let me spare you the time. It's not that Mixology isn't funny or that its premise has been overdone. In fact, the premise of Mixology is probably the most interesting thing about this sitcom: the entire season will take place over one night in a bar and will feature 10 singles who, by the end of the night, will pair off with one another. Unfortunately, the somewhat intriguing concept and relatively likable actors are completely overshadowed by the fact that Mixology's humor is crazy sexist and offensive. It's like if Dads had a baby with The Hangover, and then that baby thought rape jokes were really, really funny.
Here are the moments that made us cringe the most during the pilot.
Images: ABC
Everything That This Guy Says, We Hate
Meet Bruce, our humble narrator. Is Bruce the douchey guy everybody on this show hates? Why, no! Bruce is just a regular ole’ guy doing regular guy things, like objectifying women and trying to get his bros laid. Apparently, we are supposed to root for Bruce. (This is terrifying.)
“Girls who wear flats are never trying to get laid. I’ve told you this a thousand times! The higher the heels, the looser she feels.”
No, But Seriously
Cal, single dude Tom’s other friend, gives him this speech of encouragement:
“You are a viking! You rape and pillage and take what you want.” Then the followup: “Obviously, don’t rape her.”
(Just make sure she’s really drunk and then put the moves on her.)
Don't Bring 'Mad Men' Into This
This is Maya, who only dates professional athletes because she hates wimpy men. She used to date Keyshawn Johnson but then made him cry. She is a bitch — the show’s words, not mine. She also has no problem getting smacked around, as long as it’s by a strong man.
“If I talked to Don Draper like that he would smack me in the mouth. That’s a real man.”
Someone Has No Idea What Consent Laws Are
Another golden piece of advice from our boy Bruce:
“Let’s find you a nice, sweet, drunk girl. You know, the kind who breaks a heel.”
And Men Can Be Bitches, Too
Maya, to Tom:
“Do you want to know why your fiancee left you? It’s because you’re a sniveling little bitch… If you ever want to get laid again, you need to learn how to be a man.”
Barf
Bruce: “Look at that chick over there throwing up… I’m gonna bang her out.”
Don't Date A Pro Athlete
After learning that Maya cheated on him “with someone very small,” Keyshawn Johnson has this to say:
“You are the biggest bitch I have ever met. The biggest. And Keyshawn Johnson has seen some bitches.”
Women Bashing
“I thought she was a whore. I didn’t think you were gonna marry her!” (Referring to the former fiancee of his best friend, whom Bruce set him up with for sex, not love. Because he thought she was a whore, get it? It’s funny!)
Here Are The Races That Are Too Soft For Maya
“I’m done dating white guys, they’re all too soft.”
Except for Don Draper, because having the embracing 1960s misogyny will always trump being white.
Check, Please
Bruce, again:
“No, I don’t want to leave. There are still a few girls I can smash out.”
Please, Mixology… We think it’s time you finally closed your tab.
