Here's Why You Should Rewatch 'Jurassic Park'

Is it embarrassing to admit that an incidental Jurassic World showing at a movie theater last year was my first introduction to the Jurassic Park series? I know, the OG movie is as ancient as dinosaurs themselves (all dinosaurs are 23-years-old), so I felt like today was the day to finally fix that and re-watch Jurassic Park . The good news is that Stephen Spielberg knows how to create a film that mostly ages well.

I’ll recap, just in case you’ve never watched it either. Dr. Grant, Dr. Sattler, and Dr. Malcolm are invited to approve the safety of an upcoming theme park to be called (wait for it) Jurassic Park. The concept is credited to eccentric gazillionaire John Hammond who, along with a team of scientists, managed to clone dinosaurs using DNA in blood extracted from fossilized mosquitoes. This plan seems foolproof because they only breed female dinosaurs, right? And now we’re getting Hammond’s young grandchildren to join on the tour because it’s so gosh darn safe. What could possibly go wrong?

I don’t even think you need to watch the movie to know the answer is “everything, everything goes wrong.”

In any case, join me on this journey of all the side-eye worthy moments from Jurassic Park.

1. The Heavily Permed Mullet On That Guy In The Aggressively Red Flannel

This is the first of many tragedies that await this film.

2. Drinking Moet Chandon Out Of A Table Glass

This guy obviously attended the Mary Grace School of Faux Classiness.

3. "Dodgson!"

"Hello, Newman."

4. So Fascinated By This Gigantic Leaf That She Doesn't Even Notice The Giant Herd Of Previously Extinct Dino-Giraffes

But honestly, this looks like it would be hard to miss.

Yeah, I wouldn't have noticed without someone pointing it out.

5. This Adorable Cartoon DNA

The key to all the upcoming bloodshed and destruction. And it's totes adorbs!

6. Is This Baby Raptor Covered In... Strawberry Jam?

I don't...

7. OK, But Ellie's Expression At The Jam-Covered Raptor Birth, Tho

It's new levels of precious.

8. The Sophisticated Base For Dinosaur-Breeding Uses Windows 95

That feels right.

9. "He's Going To Eat The Goat?"

Plot twist: Jurassic Park does not seem like a Vegan-friendly establishment.

10. Malcolm Low-Key Creeping On Sattler

And Grant's non-reaction to it all.

11. The Importance Of Good Manners

Maybe you'd get permission if you would just stop being so demanding.

12. "He Left Us!"

Yeah, but you're two adorable children in a PG-13 rated film and he's a disposable side-character, I think it's safe to say you'll be fine.

13. You Know What, Call It A Godless Arena Of Bloodshed All You Want, The Landscaping Here Is Beautiful

Just look at how the water flows!

14. "You OK?"

Does this not look like the face of someone who's OK?

Dude, come on.

15. After Jeff Goldblum's Unfortunate T-Rex Accident His Shirt Magically Falls Open

A sex symbol for the ages.

16. This Looks Real

Nothing artificial about this at all.

17. "These Are Herbivores." "They Only Eat Vegetables. For You I Think They'd Make An Exception."

Dude, you just saw some guy mauled on a toilet, too soon.

18. And Now, An Adorable Brachiosaurus Feeding Scene To Break Up All The Danger And Maiming

Nice.

19. This Fun, Lighthearted Electrocution Joke That Grant Plays On Two Traumatized-For-Life Children

This becomes extra funny later when Tim nearly gets shocked to death.

20. Laura Dern's Face For All The Awards

It is the best part of this movie, and we don't deserve her.

21. "Just The Two Raptors, Right? You Sure The Third One's Contained?" "Yes, Unless They Figure Out How To Open Doors."

"YO, WHAT UP, FAM."

Yeah, suffice to say some of the visuals and character lapses in judgment are a bit dated — but hey, flaws aside, it's still worth a re-watch for the nostalgia factor... and of course, a quick Goldblum fix.

Images: Universal Studios (30)