Without honesty in relationships, at least a healthy dose of it, you can’t expect your relationship to last very long. It can easily be what makes or breaks you. While there are those things you don’t have to tell your partner, when it comes to what you absolutely should share, it's a bit different. Although people probably differ on what they think they should absolutely tell their partner and what can be kept top secret, I think, by and large, some things are pretty obvious.
You may not be under any obligation to disclose certain items (or any at all, for that matter), but if you love someone and respect them, you just do it. It's just how healthy relationships work. Keep in mind, I’m not saying you need to be honest about the fact that you ate the last slice of pizza, because it’s totally believable that a rat did it. But are things do deserve to be out in the open when you're in a relationship.
1. Your Expectations For Each Other
It’s important to have expectations in a relationship. You should have expectations for each other, as well as expectations for the relationship in general. You also need to be honest about these expectations. If you don’t put out there that you’re disappointed in something that has gone down or how the partnership is evolving (or not evolving), it's important to communicate that. Realistic expectations are healthy but if you aren’t honest about them, it’s like they don’t exist.
2. Your Sex Life Together
While your sexual past is your past and your "number" is your business, you should always be honest about your sex life together in the present. Lying about having an orgasm when you didn’t and pretending to be sexually satisfied when you’re not won't help your sex life — or your relationship. Sex is a big part of relationships, so have an honest dialogue about it.
3. What You Want For Your Future
If you and your significant other see a future together, then you need to be honest about what you want for that future. Do you want to be married? Go back to school? Leave the city to settle in the suburbs? Start a band together and travel the country playing Foreigner covers? No matter what you see for your future, it's important to put it all out there honestly and openly.
4. Your Relationship With Money
From debt to spending habits, it's important you're open about finances with your partner. It might be awkward to bring up at first— and you might be ashamed about debt or how much you spend per month— but it's important you communicate it with your significant other. Psychologist Nikki Martinez told Bustle: "Couples should never lie to each other about finances. It is one of the most common issues that couples discuss in therapy. There should be an open discussion, agreements, and transparency between the two of them when it comes to finances."
5. Details About Your Health
Although you don’t have to tell you partner about how you had your wisdom teeth out when you were 19 or how you had gonorrhea that’s was cured 10 years before you met them, anything that might affect them now is something they need to know. For example, if you have herpes, you need to tell them, because it can affect them.
6. What You Need In Your Relationship
If you need a partner who will be OK with you needing lots of alone time, you need to say so. If you need a partner who is going to let you always do the dishes, because it’s just your “thing,” then you need to say that, too. And, in turn, you need to hear out their needs and make concessions where necessary. That’s just how relationships work.
7. Whether Or Not You’re Happy
As I sit here, I can list off a few friends who are completely unhappy in their relationships. But, instead of being honest about it, they go about every day just wishing it will get better. Unfortunately, happiness doesn’t just show up one day without some work. If you’re not happy with your S.O., you need to tell them. Unhappiness breeds not just resentment and emotional pain, but physical ailments, too. Research has found that misery can lead to heart disease, diabetes, and stroke, among other things. Even if you’ve gotten to a point where you don’t care about the relationship anymore, at least be honest about your happiness level for yourself and your health.
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