When you have failure after failure, disappointment after disappointment, it can be incredibly easy to slip into a pity-party type of attitude. And for good reason. But you can still change your life when nothing's working out, mainly because your happiness is a mindset. You don't need things falling into place 100 percent of the time to be proud of your efforts or grateful of your situation, so it's time to learn how to make the best of situations. Not only that, but learning how to trust yourself and your efforts can make a big difference, too.
We can't control things other than our efforts and our responses. For example, if I'm trying to find a job and I've done everything I could polishing up my resume, brushing up on my skills, working on what I have to offer, than the rest is outside of my hands. It's up to the boss to notice I'm a great candidate, and there's no use spiraling when they don't. You can only do so much. So with that in mind, here are 11 tips on how to change your life when nothing is working out. Small tweaks in perspective and attitude will go a long way!
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1. Ditch The Control Freak Attitude
You can try your hardest but sometimes things still won't work out. Why? Because outcomes aren't only contingent on you — there's a plethora of people out there that tip the scales for you and there's nothing you can do about it. Because of that, ditch the control freak attitude. Yogi and speaker Jan Tucker from Tiny Buddha explained, "I decided to see what would happen if I had goals but let go and let things unfold without directing them toward a specific outcome." Set goals, try your hardest, but stop trying to take responsibility of the outcome. Let things unfold as they're going to.
2. Think Of How Much Can Change
If you're feeling overwhelmed or dejected, think of how your life will look like in a couple of months. Lifestyle writer Corina Semph from Tiny Buddha suggested, "Fast forward a month from now. Think about you living a happy, normal life again." Things change so quickly that even the worst disappointments won't register on our radar a couple of months later. Just remember that pain and feelings are transient. They all keep moving forward.
3. See Your Obstacles As Opportunities
Does that sound cliche? Maybe. But it's so true. Life coach Elle Sommer at self-development site Live Purposely Now explained, "Viewing your challenges less as an obstacle to be overcome and more of an opportunity to hone your ability to keep your focus on the things you desire, makes it much easier to break through into that hugely spectacular experience on the other side." Those obstacles are chances to learn, improve yourself, and become stronger. So get started.
4. Separate Yourself Emotionally
Instead of putting all your future happiness on one outcome, try to separate yourself from how things work out. Tucker explained, "It’s better not to be so emotionally attached to the outcome." If you keep a degree of distance, it'll be easier to take things in stride. So you didn't get that one job; there'll be another one that will suit you better. So your book got rejected. That just means you can find a different publishing house that will understand your voice. Don't make things life and death and you won't be as disappointed.
5. Start Trying New Things
You never know what getting off of the couch and trying something new can lead you to. A new career, a contact, a new love interest? The possibilities are endless. Lifestyle writer Patrick Allan at Lifehack offered, "A lot of people feel unhappy because there is nothing in their life that excites them, so it's important to look for it everywhere. Chances are your comfort zone is exactly what's bringing you down." Things might not be going your way because you keep trying the same things over and over, so switch things up!
6. Be Your Own Champion
Instead of waiting for someone to make you happy/ fix you/ give you that dream job, be that person for yourself. Sommer explained, "Find your inner champion… if you can’t find one, begin to create him or her right now. Remind yourself how magnificent and extraordinary you are." You don't need anyone but yourself to succeed.
7. Change Something
Sometimes you need to make a small change in order to get the ball rolling and motivate you to work towards better things. According to Allan "Take a little time to think about the aspects of your life and identify what might be a source of negativity that needs to change." Try moving or redecorating, hanging out with new friends, or switching up your work-life balance. Small tweaks can lead to bigger motivators.
8. Avoid Negativity
Do you have a friend that always falls back on complaining? Avoid him like the plague. Or if you can't avoid a pity-party-thrower, do your best to not let them suck you in. Semph suggested, "I learned to stay out of other negative conversations or switch to positive topics, even if the only positive thing I could think of was the weather." Complaining about your situation or disappointments won't help anything, so try not to hang out with people that like those kinds of attitudes to fester. And if you can't avoid them, try to steer conversations towards more positive grounds.
9. Find Inspiration From Others
Sometimes we just need a mentor to show us that it'll all work out if only we keep trying. Find that person online in the form of bloggers of speakers. Motivational writer Nigel Cook from self development blog Holding Your Feet to the Fire recommended, "Look for blog articles, podcasts and videos from personal development writers and speakers. Put them into practice so that you can improve your situation." Say you want to be a writer. Look up books and blogs about writers that shared their struggles towards success. Or say you're having a hard time advancing in your career. Look up advice on how to get on the fast track and gather intel. There are people out there that want to help you.
10. Treat Yourself Well
Whatever you do, don't slide into a pity party that eats their feelings! Okay, fine, have a donut or two, but don't use this as an excuse to treat your body unwell. Cook explained, "When we get chronically frustrated and stressed, the danger is that anxiety and depression can take over our minds. When we’re depressed, we don’t take care of ourselves. We eat poorly and we don’t bother exercising (because hey, what’s the point?)." The worse our bodies feel, the worse we feel, and the less motivated we are to change our situations. So take care of yourself so you have enough energy to keep hustlin'.
11. Celebrate The Small Stuff
You don't have to hit the jackpot in order to be proud of yourself. During times that are tough, celebrate even the small wins. Semph advised, "When you are in the middle of a storm, it may be a while till you have a big win. But you can celebrate the small things and lift up your spirit." Did your laundry come out flawless? Did you meet a project before deadline? Did you have a really great date? Confetti canons for them all.
Changing your life doesn't have to me picking up and moving to a new country (or maybe it does for you, who knows?). It can be as simple as a different mindset and a positive attitude.
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