Figuring out how to balance your relationship and friends isn’t always easy, especially if the relationship is new. It’s in those early stages that you can’t get enough of your new partner so friendships may get put on hold. It’s not the worst thing; many of us are guilty of it, but it’s not exactly a good thing either. And depending on how your friends feel about this new partner of yours, it might take a toll on your friendships.
It some cases, you just need to learn how to balance both parts of your life — even if your friends and your partner aren’t best friends. Although you may be able to do that, it doesn’t mean that you don’t end up getting flack from both sides. While it’s to almost be expected from your friends in small amounts, because they firmly believe that no one is good enough for you (aw, friends!), it’s when your partner starts giving you a hard time about hanging out with your friends that it can really suck. There’s a good chance your friends were around long before your partner and it's important you make time for them. If your partner has a hard time accepting that, things can get messy.
Here are seven ways your partner can be causing harm to your friendships. But first, check out the latest episode of Bustle's Sex and Relationships podcast, I Want It That Way:
1. They Make You Feel Guilty When You See Your Friends
This isn't cool. It’s not like their world will fall apart if you go out with your friends for a few hours. Besides, couples in healthy relationships need time apart.
2. They’re Clearly Jealous
I’ve never understood partners who get jealous of their significant other's friends. Do they think that their partner is going to run off with their best friends and never return? Jealousy in a relationship can be a kiss of death if it’s not handled with care. Playing the jealousy game isn’t good for your relationship or friendships. Make sure you address it if you notice it.
3. They Literally Go Out Of Their Way To Be Rude To Your Friends
I once dated a guy whom whenever he had to spend time with my friends — although he could have stayed home — was a level of rude that I have done my best to forget. He’d say nothing at all, be passive aggressive, or so sarcastic that it actually hurt. Granted, it was short-lived because of this behavior and a few other things, but the way he made my friends feel, and they way they thought about me for being with someone who made them feel so low, was just awful. But at least he made his point: He was a total jerk.
4. They Try To Get You To See The Bad Parts About Your Friends
Everyone has bad parts, because — breaking news — no one is perfect. But when you have a partner harping on the things they think are wrong with your friends, it can start to sink in a bit. There’s only so many times that you can hear that someone sucks before you start to believe what you’re being told. It’s just human nature.
5. They Claim They’re A Bad Influence On You
To keep with their running theme that your friends are the WORST, another route that your partner is likely to take is saying that your friends are a bad influence on you. They say things like how you’re different when they’re around or they peer pressure you to do things you wouldn’t normally do otherwise. Well, maybe you are different around your friends because you’ve known them forever — or maybe you’re just being your extra fun self and your partner can’t handle it.
6. They Make Everything You Do With Your Friends Feel Miserable
There you are having a great time with your friends and your partner starts calling and texting, wanting to know when you’ll be home or available to meet. So you stop what you’re doing to catering them, hang up, then it happens again and again and again. Eventually your friends aren’t going to want to hang out with someone who needs to pay attention to their partner every half hour.
7. They Never Include Your Friends To Things That Are Important To You
Whether it’s the birthday party they planned for you or some surprise congratulatory for your big promotion, if your partner always makes sure to either not invite your friends, especially the ones they really don’t like, or invite them last minute in the hopes they won’t be able to make it, it's definitely going to affect your friendships.
Between playing the jealousy card, making you feel totally guilty, and treating your friends like they’re the walking plague, it can get to a point where you don’t even want to attempt hang out with your friends anymore because it’s easier on your relationship. Don't let it get to the point where you've lost your friends; some of the most important people in your life. The best thing to if you feel like your friendships are suffering because of your relationship? Communicate. The right partner will understand how important your friendships are to you.
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