Everyone needs something different when it comes to masturbating. While some rely on porn and toys, others rely on their hand and, perhaps watching Ryan Gosling in The Notebook. I sometimes think about my ex when I masturbate. But just because I think about him doesn’t mean I want him back. It doesn’t mean I’m still hung up on him and or am hoping to rekindle something in the future. It’s just that the sexual connection we had was so strong that now, although he’s gone, my brain goes back to him. In fact, thinking about your ex when you masturbate is more common than you may realize.
While I can rationalize it in my head, I needed to talk to an expert about it. I wanted confirmation for myself and everyone who thinks about their ex when they masturbate are not still holding a torch from shoddy ex that we’re probably ready to be rid of anyway.
I reached out to Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of Ignite Your Pleasure and Dawn Michael PhD ACS CSC, sexuality counselor and clinical sexologist, to get their input. Here's what they had to say it means when you think about an ex during masturbation. But first, check out our video on sex positions for small penises:
1. You And Your Ex Could Have Had Amazing Sex
When you think about your ex when you masturbate, it could simply mean you had awesome sex when you were together. “If you have ever had great sex with a past ex it is something that you will most likely never forget. Great sex is not always a given with people, but when you have had it you will never forget it,” says Michael. “Most women report in their life one past partner that has really turned them on.”
2. The Sexual Connection Is Still Very Present In Your Mind
If you’re lucky enough to have had fantastic sex and remember it – because you always remember the great ones – your body still wants a piece of that. Says Michael, “When you have a sexual connection with another person that is strong the mind, the body will still remember how it felt and this can be great go to material for getting turned on, and there is nothing wrong with this!”
3. You Might Have Put Sex With An Ex On A Pedestal
In addition to having that sexual connection in your memory, Levine says that for some who think about an ex when they masturbate, it’s because they’re “glorifying how they think it was at its best.” It’s a false memory, in some ways, but I think we’re all a little guilty of glorying parts of our past, if only to make heads and tales of what happened then and what is the reality now.
4. You Actually Just Might Miss Having Sex With Them
According to Levine, “The sex they had with that person is something they are now missing (perhaps they are single or not having great sex with their current partner) and they want to relive it on their mind.” And, hey, it’s hard not to miss great sex.
5. It Doesn’t Necessarily Mean You’re Still Hung Up On Your Ex
Not only does it mean that you’re not still vying for your ex, but it could actually mean that you’re over your ex, too. “Now that you are over them it is not painful to think about them,” says Michael. “You can just let yourself go and focus on the great sex you had with them.”
6. But It’s Not A Good Thing If It Becomes Necessary For Arousal
As much as you might enjoy thinking about your ex when you masturbate, if it gets out of control, then it can be a problem. While both Levine and Michael agreed that there’s definitely nothing wrong with masturbating to thoughts of your ex, if you get to a point where you absolutely must think of your ex when you masturbate then it might be time to cut those thoughts out of your head, as best you can. Or at least try to focus on someone new for a bit. I’m telling you, Ryan Gosling really does wonders for this.
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