While it would be lovely in theory, it sometimes seems impossible to look in the mirror and like who's looking back at you every single time. But during those slumps, there are ways to like yourself again when you're in a self-love rut. Take me for example. I'm about as happy go-lucky as a golden retriever, but I have weeks where I can barely make myself go out to Chipotle with friends because I just don't get why anyone would want to hang out with me. We all have moments where the magic wears off and all we can see are our faults, lacks, and negative aspects. Instead of being a strong, amazing person, you turn into your 12-year-old self when faced with where to sit in the cafeteria.
And the feeling sucks. But while it can seem like there might be no end to the negative self-speak and uneasy feelings over self-esteem, there are ways to pull yourself out of it and reconnect with your potential. It will take time and you'll need patience, but if the result is to look at the mirror and toss up finger guns, then it'll be well worth it. Below are 11 tips on how to like yourself again when you're in a slump.
1. Become Less Judgmental
When you're in a slump, your bad mood rubs off and you can find yourself being more pessimistic, angry, or judgmental towards those around you. Your patience disappears and you can find yourself judging how others behave, rolling your eyes at outfits, sneering at body types, doubting other's authenticity, etc. Because of that, you focus that same kind of energy towards yourself, too. Lifestyle writer Henrik Edberg from The Positivity Blog explained, "What you think and do to the world around you — for example being judgmental or being open and kind — is how you tend to think about yourself and treat yourself too." So, before you focus on self-love, first make sure you straighten how you view and treat others. It'll be like a domino effect.
2. Compliment Yourself
Get right up to a mirror, look at your cute face, and compliment yourself out loud. Seriously, do it. Do this three times a day and try to think about what you're complimenting. Hearing it come out in your own voice will start training you to believe in your own worth and your attributes. Physician Theodoros Manfredi, Ph.D. from medical site Health Guidance explained, "A compliment can be superficial or deep, whatever it is, it will help to improve your mood, even if only a little. Highlight positive aspects you experience during the day. If you make this a habit, you can do it easily no matter how rough how your day is."
3. Embrace Your Perceived Flaws
Do you think you're too shy? Chances are you're a valuable listener. Do you act awkward around new people? That just means you have an excuse to go out more to practice your discomfort away. Instead of nit-picking your perceived flaws, find a positive spin to them. Lifestyle writer Joanna L K Moore from self-development blog Anne Sophie recommended, "Turn your 'flaws' around and make them work for you."
4. Do Something That Will Make Yourself Proud
It doesn't have to be something huge, but if you have the ambition to, go for it! But if not, focus on doing something every day or every week that will make you want to pat yourself on the back. Lifestyle writer Amy Spencer from self-improvement blog The Life Optimist explained, "In between the silly stuff, do something that will make you feel proud of yourself and accomplished. Sew on a button. Paint your bedroom. Plant some rosemary. Learn two chords on the guitar. Give yourself an easy reason to like yourself today." It'll do a lot to show how much potential and greatness you have.
5. Change Your Focus
If you're in a slump you might be very aware of all your failures or things you just don't have the energy or ambition to do. Which will only make you feel worse. Instead, change your focus. Edberg offered, "if you do good things but then focus on small faults or failures then that won’t help you." While, yes, you might have missed that deadline or you didn't take an opportunity, you also have accomplished a lot and have done many great things this year. Scootch over your focus to those proud moments instead, and let yourself embrace all the hardwork you've done before this moment.
6. Train Yourself To Stop Being Mean
If you can't stop the tirade of "ugh" geared thoughts, train yourself to become more aware of your negative speak and actively stop it. Lifestyle writer Tess Marshall from self-improvement site Tiny Buddha advised, "Put a wrist band on your right wrist. When you’re participating in self-criticism, move the band to your left wrist." When you move that band over, you'll know it's time to swap those words with affirmations instead.
7. See Yourself From Others' Eyes
Look at yourself through the eyes of your number one fan, whether that's your best friend or your mom. The reasons they can't get enough of you can be very telling Spencer offered, "For one minute, see yourself the way they do. What do they love about you most? You should be liking yourself for that very same reason." Take a solid moment and think about it — you just might reach an epiphany. I mean, they're not crazy for being obsessed with your company, right?
8. Work Through Your Feelings
Rather than running from them like the plague, sit down and get uncomfortable. Think about why this slump made you fall out of love with yourself. Why do you all of a sudden feel less worthy? You won't be able to get to the other side without first understanding what's bringing you down. Marshall explained, "Let go of numbing your feelings. Shopping, eating, and drinking are examples of avoiding discomfort, sadness, and pain. Mindfully breathe your way through your feelings and emotions." Knowing what's troubling you is the only way you can stop it.
9. Think Of It This Way: You're Holding Yourself Back
If you don't like yourself, you don't believe in yourself, you don't allow yourself to try for great things, and the cycle continues. If you want to stop feeling like crap, understand that you need to break the cycle first. And to break it, you need to believe in yourself just a little. Lifestyle writer Andy Mort from self-improvement site Sheep Dressed Like Wolves, "If we don’t believe in who we are then we will fail to see the potential for what we can be, do, and achieve. We wont [sic] apply for the jobs we really want, make friends with the people we would like to get to know, and look after our bodies properly." There's so many great things just around the bend or even in front of you right now — don't let yourself bow out of it because you don't think you deserve it. Instead, snatch it up and see what happens.
10. Have Patience
You might not be in a good spot right now, but trust that you will be eventually. Don't put pressure on yourself to self-love immediately; give yourself time to work through your emotions and to learn about yourself and how amazing you are in your own time. Marshall offered, "Let go of urgency and fear. Relax and transform striving into thriving. Trust in yourself, do good work, and you will see results."
11. Imagine The Other Side
Our lives change when we become our number one fans, mainly because we then believe nothing is out of our reach. We trust in our abilities, approach others knowing our own worth, and feel secure in taking up space. To get yourself to that point, imagine being in it. Marshall pointed out, "Imagine what your life would look like if you believed in your worth." Imagining how happy and secure your life would be at that point will motivate you to keep patiently working until you get there.
Whether you're in a slump or haven't accepted yourself just yet, try these tips and work to love yourself again. You have it in you.
Images: @abeautifulmess/ Instagram
