Jealousy is an unfortunate reality of friendship. While some people are naturally more jealous than others, many of us would have to admit we've been jealous of a friend at one point or another. But you can be jealous and still be supportive, like if your friend has a great new job or a great new relationship. You wish you had something like that in your life, but that doesn't mean you can't be happy for them at the same time. Resentment is something a little more tricky. It has a quality that makes the person no longer supportive.
Sometimes this can come out of nowhere — if your friend is having a tough time and not dealing with it well. But sometimes if you're being difficult, distant, or self-involved, then there's a good chance your friends are going to resent you for it. So it's important if you feel like there's resentment to take a good look at the situation and decide how to move forward. Maybe you need to become more aware and supportive or maybe it's time to let go of a friendship that's now toxic. Either way, resentment should be addressed. Here are seven signs your friends resent you. But first, check out the latest episode of Bustle's Sex and Relationships podcast, I Want It That Way:
1. They're Not Happy About The Good Things In Your Life...
Friendship is about supporting each other and being genuinely excited when something good happens to you. If you're excited about a promotion, getting engaged, or a new improv show you have coming up, and your friend is basically non-responsive, something's wrong.
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2. ...And Celebrate Every Minor Problem
Sure, part of a friend's job is to give you tough love sometimes, but there's a difference between tough love and them relishing in your issues. If they're quick to point out everything that's going wrong for you or why your new partner isn't so great, and they seem to get a kick out of pointing out everything that's sh*tty in your life, then it's time to have a talk.
3. They're Avoiding You
If your friend is really having trouble dealing with you right now, there's a good chance they'll avoid you. Everyone goes through periods of being really busy or just a bit distant, but if you normally get a weekly brunch and suddenly can't pin them down, it may be time to figure out why.
4. You Can Sense They're Talking Behind Your Back
Friends talk about each other. A lot. It come from a worried place, a caring place, or even a gossipy place, but it happens. But if you seem to be having trouble with all of your friends, and you get that horrible feeling you get when you walk in and people have been talking about you, think about how you've been with your friends recently.
5. They've Stopped Sharing Their Lives
When someone is really resentful, they may want to distance themselves from you. Even if you're still seeing them regularly, if they start to become way more reserved or seem awkward talking about their lives, it's a big sign that something's changed. You should be open with each other.
6. They're One-Upping You
They other side of the coin is that they may just become really competitive. If they're constantly minimizing or dismissing your achievements and competing with you, it's no longer a healthy friendship.
7. They're Lashing Out
Friends know how to hurt each other. If they're suddenly hanging out with someone they know will upset you, playing on your insecurities, or taking their own sh*t out on you, there's some resentment happening. You need to decide if you've done anything to provoke it and, if you haven't, it may be time to stick with healthier friendships.
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