'Nymphomaniac' Trailer is NSFW, Duh

You think you know everything about sex? The trailer for Nymphomaniac: Volume I just dropped, and it certainly lives up to its namesake. There is sex, sex, and more sex (because a sex-free movie with the a synonym for the word sexaholic in the title would just be blasphemous). But before you get your panties in a twist, let's break down the movie, whose FIRST PART — because there are TWO PARTS to this story of nymphomania, dear friends — will catapult, groin first, into a theater near you on March 21.

Director Lars Von Trier is at the helm of what's slated to be a sexual and cinematic masterpiece (a critical round up universally praises it), which has already received a 100% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Because orgasms are 100%.

In case you're a little scared of watching the sexy sex that happens in the trailer, here's an overly simplified breakdown of what goes down in the trailer, which may get you a little hot and bothered and probs shouldn't be viewed in your cubicle at work. In short, there's a lot of sex.

We've got Joe (Charlotte Gainsbourg), who admits from the get-go that she's always been a nympho. Apparently this is "nothing to smile about." But we've got conflicting messages because..."if you have wings, why not fly?" (Oh no, what to do with my burgeoning, overwhelming sexuality?) More importantly, we also have Shia LaBeouf, pre-bag-on-the-head.

Then there's sex! More sex! Joe wants to be "picked up, put down, again and again." (Fifty Shades of Grey, up your game with your sexless adaptation.) Oh, there's more sex! And screaming. Is sex evil? Then the window breaks. We've even got a black and white sex scene with an epic O-face (she "can't feel anything!"). We then hear that Joe "always wanted more from the sunset," shit blows up, because, you know — sex is explosive.

And this movie is sure to be, too.

(But seriously, don't be a prude and watch the trailer.)

Image Source: Magnolia Pictures via Yahoo! Movies