The world is an amazing place where you can connect with people all over the world through a rectangle that fits in your hand and where burritos and sushi have a beautiful, delicious, love child called sushiritto. And it's a place where you can order porn with an emoji. I eff you not. This is not a drill.
Following in the steps of Dominos, you can now get a porn video from any category you like by just texting Pornhub with the emoji that corresponds to that category, whether it's an eggplant or a cop. While they're meant to be playful some feel a bit insensitive. As Mashable points out, "the "Latina" category is a taco. C'mon."
Corey Price, VP of Pornhub, explains in a press release: "At Pornhub, we pride ourselves on delivering the content our users’ desire through their preferred platforms. In an age of convenience, text-messaging has become the leading method of conversation. To ensure we continue to enhance the convenience of Pornhub, we are now offering a video delivery service through the universal language of love — emojis".
Calling emojis the "universal language of love" may be a bit of a rhetorical stretch, but I'm on board. If you can order pizza and porn with an emoji, what next? A milkshake? Emotional satisfaction? Job fulfillment? But for right now, let's think of it as the swiftest digital access you could want. Or as Pornhub puts it, "spreading the love, digitally.”
Here are some of the emoji options available and the porn categories they correspond to.
1. Eggplant
You know what the eggplant means. I don't need to tell you, I'm pretty sure the eggplant emoji was designed for this purpose, but for when you need some of that sweet big D this it the one to send.
2. Peach
I always thought peaches were code for vagina, but apparently it's if you're looking for big butts. Big, fuzzy, juicy butts. Or at least big ones.
3. Cop
If you're looking for a man in uniform. Or a woman, women can be anything these days— even emojis. But sending a little cop means that you're going to get some kind of uniform based porn.
4. Jester
Looking for funny porn? Firstly— who are you? Who is it that searches for funny porn? I seriously don't know anyone. But good for you. Secondly— the little jester man will get you there.
5. Ladies
Not lady on lady love. Well, not necessarily. The symbol points you in the direction of "porn for women", which I'm guessing means it's shot with women in mind. More feminist porn is always a good thing.
Images: Fotolia; Pornhub; Author's own
