We all have a set of deal-breakers, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. A recent study by researchers from five universities has found that while we all have deal-breakers, those deal-breakers aren’t the same for all relationships, especially short- and long-term ones. While, yes, some do overlap, a few are surprisingly quite different. It’s amazing what people find OK for the long-term but not OK for the short-term. For example, if someone is a racist or is unattractive, it's a deal-breaker for the short-term, but not so much for the long-term.
"Short-term mating is especially about sex appeal and genetic quality towards making an offspring (even if you are not going to make a baby at this time)," the study's author, Dr. Peter K. Jonason, tells Bustle.
The study also found was that people with “higher mate value” have more deal-breakers than those whose mate value wasn’t quite as high. Also both men and women tend to focus more on the negative traits of potential mates than the positive ones. Someone could have 15 positive traits, but if they have three negative traits, people are running for the door.
“When the brain identifies something that looks familiar or a behavior that could hurt you, it automatically sends signals of red flags or in most cases to run and retract," dating and relationship coach, Ravid Yosef, tells Bustle, "The brain doesn't identify the possibility of good traits in the same kind of way.”
Yosef advises picking two or three deal-breakers and forgetting about the rest. “When you keep concentrating on what you don't want, you are likely to attract that. Start focusing on what you want versus what you don't want so that you can attract that into your life,” says Yosef.
Here are the top 10 deal-breakers for both men and women, according to the study.
1. Health Issues Or STDs
Unfortunately, health issues and STDs still carry stigmas. Although condoms can help reduce the spread of STDs and STIs, the fear seems to be a turn-off for those seeking short-term partners. Does this mean having an STD or health issue makes casual relationships impossible? Of course not! It may just mean finding the right short-term partner for you — and definitely one who you can communicate well with. And regardless of the relationship, that's never a bad thing.
2. They Smell
I have always been fascinated by the fact that someone can smell bad to one person, but smell like lilies to someone else. That being said, if you smell garbage every time you’re in the presence of someone, don’t feel bad; you totally smell like lilies and pizza and sweet red wine to someone else.
3. Poor Hygiene
If someone has lived their entire life skipping brushing their teeth in the morning or not wearing deodorant when it’s 95 degrees out, it may be hard to fix those habits, and it seems like short-term partners don't have the time to compromise on that.
4. They’re In Another Relationship
Even if you’re someone who enjoys being the other woman, it wears thin — even in a short-term relationship. Besides, you’ll never be a priority; the wife or the serious girlfriend gets that. Oh, and you deserve more. Actually, this one may be a deal-breaker and a half.
5. They’re Dating Lots Of People At Once
Even if you’re not looking for something long-term, you may want your short-term thing to be monogamous.
6. They Have Anger Issues Or Are Abusive In Any Way
If you’re in it for the short-term, you definitely do not have the time for this sh*t — not that you should ever have the time for it.
7. They’re Not Good In Bed
The thing with short-term relationships is that sex trumps love and commitment in these arrangements. Because this is the case, being bad in bed can be a serious deal-breaker because you probably are willing to work less on it with your partner.
8. They’re Not Attractive
Once again, we’re dealing with just the surface of things because it’s short-term, so obviously looks, just like bad sex, are going to come into play. When you love someone, you see them as the most beautiful person in the world. When you’re just having short term-fun, you may see them a bit more on the surface.
9. They’re A Racist Or A Bigot
Interestingly enough, this one isn’t on the list for deal-breakers in long-term relationships, and I find that rather perplexing. Shouldn't this be an automatic deal-breaker for all relationships?
10. They Don’t Take Care Of Themselves
Similar to hygiene, this is another one you can’t really fix especially once someone reaches a certain age. Sorry, buddy, time to start paying those bills on time.
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