Most of our childhoods were a wild time, punctuated with sugar highs, battle scars in the form of scraped knees, and imagination that was as intense as it was zany. And with that came a love for weird things, like the toe sock trend. It might have been right up there with an affection for creepy Furbies and a love for color-blocked wind breakers. While it might not have been the sanest of sock choices, it sure was fun.
However, owning one of these toe socks came with its own set of gripes and obstacles. Even though your feet were at a party, it wasn't necessarily smooth sailing. There were a lot of struggles people who loved toe socks had to endure. For one, if anyone saw us outside when sporting a pair circa the late '90s and early 2000s, we were likely to become immediate social pariahs. No questions asked, no questions needed.
It was comparable to when we'd wear Bermuda shorts outside or white socks with sandals. A developing taste for anything kitsch and zany always followed. Because if you had one wildly striped toe sock, why not have 100? So buckle up for this crazy ride. Below are 11 struggles only people who loved toe socks will undoubtedly understand.
1. You Forever Craved Popsicles
Fasot Women Wicking Five Toes Finger Socks, $5.40, amazon.com
Because your socks resembled those striped popsicles the ice cream man sold every summer. You couldn't help but look down and think of June afternoons and getting your mouth all stained with delicious food coloring.
2. You Were Always Tempted To Walk Out In Flip Flops
Funky Finger Socks, $7.00, amazon.com
I mean, your toes could just slide in there. Yes, you knew it would be a sin against humanity to do so, but it was so, so tempting.
3. You Couldn't Stop Wiggling Your Toes
Funky Finger Socks, $7.00, amazon.com
Especially if your feet were propped on the coffee table and you looked over at them in between commercials. How could you not wiggle those happy clown toes?
4. Wanting To Wear Them Outside, But Not Being Able To
Be Wicked Women's Rainbow Knee Highs, $9.30, amazon.com
There was no way that you could wear that insane pattern outside and not get shamed mercilessly by your friends. They were super quirky, but not even hipsters have been down to sport them ironically 15 years later. Instead, toe socks usually continued to be your secret shame indoors, where there were no witnesses.
5. The Annoyance Of Putting Them On
Funky Finger Socks, $7.00, amazon.com
Because you always had that one rogue toe that refused to get in, and you had to take a moment to force it back into its home.
6. Getting A Hole In One Was Heartbreaking
Funky Finger Socks, $7.00, amazon.com
These weren't your standard, run-of-the-mill socks. They usually came in insane hues and patterns and made you goofily happy. So if one of them got a hole in it? The moment deserved a Viking funeral, or something equally big to commemorate the sock's life.
7. You Could Never Stop With Just One
ToeSox, $5.00, amazon.com
They were like Beanie Babies: The obsession likely got away from you. Before you knew it, you had a whole drawer of them and they were outnumbering your normal socks. Something you should have been alarmed over, but were so not.
8. The Weird Mix And Matching Phases
Funky Finger Socks, $7.00, amazon.com
Toe socks were the one place where so-called fashion rules held no power. The crazier the combo you could make with your socks, the better. Witchy stripy ones went with Ninja Turtle ones; polka dot ones in abrasive colors were matched with fuzzy textured numbers. It was basically a mad house.
9. Showing Them To Someone Was A Sign Of Trust
Monkey Toe Socks, $4.99, amazon.com
They'd officially entered your circle of trust. Not just anyone deserved a glimpse of you wearing them. Only those who you would trust with your life were invited to see your crazy socks. Hopefully they took it as the deep and life-affirming compliment it was.
10. Wearing Normal Socks Killed Your Soul A Little
Funky Finger Socks, $7.00, amazon.com
You looked down and your feet weren't clad in silly prints and zany colors. They were just in the standard, white, Fruit Of The Loom socks you bought in a pack of 500. And it depressed the hell out of you. You knew you were practically an adult, and that you should probably have "grown up" tastes by then. But we can't help what we love, right?
11. Fury Over How Hard They Are To Buy
Toesox Casual Knee Highs, $16.00, amazon.com
Honestly, why isn't there more of a demand for these guys? Does no one else have a sense of humor? Why can't I walk into a department store and see them hanging next to the cashmere and wool socks? Why must I go through Amazon and wait countless days to hold them in my arms? Ugh, the struggles, guys.
The struggles of loving toe socks remain very real.
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Images: Amazon (12)
