'Pretty Little Liars' Goes to College

Hanna dreams of her mother in an orange prison jumpsuit, her hair shorn off. Freudian theory holds that haircuts in dreams signify a loss of strength—and that probably goes double on a show where the preservation of one's long, lustrous locks is a matter of life and death. Also, you've got to love how Hanna's "just woke up" look would run you at least $50 at Sephora to duplicate.

But Hanna's subconscious isn't kidding around. Things aren't looking great for Mama Marin. Ashley does make the smart move of retaining Veronica Hastings as her lawyer ... but her innocence in the murder of Detective Wilden seems more uncertain than ever when Hanna discovers her father's revolver hidden in her mother's locked closet.

Though we'd have loved to dig deeper into last week's revelations, Melissa has started her internship in England. VERONICA [quoting Melissa]: "London is beautiful, but very cold." SPENCER: "That sounds like a perfect match."

Ella Montgomery preps her class for their upcoming weekend of college visits. Rule #1: No beer pong. This, no doubt, is an instance of Chekhov's underage drinking—we know we'll be seeing some Beirut (or at least a solid round of flipcup) before the episode's end. Of all the schools to visit, the Liars zone in on nearby Cicero College when they recognize its area code as the same one in the phone number sung by Ali's grandma's parrot.

Ella cancels her trip to Vienna with her young boyf to spend more time with her son. Huh, we hadn't seen Mike "Chuck Cunningham" Montgomery since season two. But Aria grows even more desperate to send her mom abroad when A fills Ella's car with bees. This is both a) my nightmare and b) something they actually did in one of the Jackass movies. Finally, it's Ella's ex-husband Byron who convinces her to pack up for Austria.

Veronica sets her little U Penn reject up with an admissions counselor, though Spencer dismisses him as an "Ivy League pimp." In fact, it's Emily, mopey over her lost swimming career (and lost shot at Stanford), who ends up flirting her way to some free advice on her own applications.

On campus, Emily and Spencer discover they have vastly different priorities. Spence is deadset on investigating Ali's potential connection to Cicero. Em wants a real taste of college life—and maybe even a sorority scholarship (is that a thing?). At a party that night, Spencer doesn't make Em's pledge process any easier, flashing Ali's photo to every coed she sees.

But she's far from the evening's biggest buzzkill. For some reason, Hanna has brought the gun along to the party, which is a grade-A terrible idea.

On the second floor of the sorority house, Spencer discovers a dingy secret room with a phone that shares the bird's mystery number.

But the real drama is going on outside. Just as Hanna digs a hole to bury the weapon—Again, why here? Why now?—she gets arrested. Maybe that nightmare wasn't about her mom after all.

Fun fact: Emily's ethnic background is "Filipino-Korean-Irish-Scottish," much like the real-life heritage of Filipino-Irish-Scottish actress Shay Mitchell.

Worst line, possibly ever: According to Aria, A gave her mom "four-wheel hive."

Best line, possibly ever: CAMPUS GEEK: "I know girls like you. You've got the crazy eyes." SPENCER: "They're not that crazy."

Until next time, bitches. Xoxox.

-M.

Image via ABC Family