After kicking off two ladies last night, the Bachelor Juan Pablo Galavis is down to just six women and things are starting to get serious. These girls are starting to picture their life with Juan Pablo, (okay, many were doing so on night one, but still). But what exactly does a life with JP mean? We've suffered through this show for six weeks now, so I think it's given us a pretty good glimpse at his personality. We've seen how he handles fights, tears, happiness, and dating. I think we can start to formulate how a married Juan Pablo would act, and the results aren't pretty.
1. HE'D BE ONE OF THOSE GUYS WHO DOES ANYTHING TO GET OUT OF ARGUMENTS
Last night Juan Pablo said, "I don't like fights," which is harmless enough. Who really likes fighting? But we've seen the lengths Juan Pablo will go to avoid an argument. He told Clare he didn't want to say no to her night-swimming idea because he didn't want to "take away that emotion" Clare had or hurt her feelings. He didn't want any confrontation so he just went along with it and blamed her later. Guys who have a moral compass but a relaxed sense of when they follow it don't tend to make for the best partners.
2. HE WOULDN'T WANT TO HAVE DEEP CONVERSATIONS
The only "deep" Juan Pablo wants is his tongue in your mouth. (Gross.) When Sharleen sat down with him to discuss her feelings, he was basically like, "Ew feelings? No bueno." And instead made out with her. "Just live this, enjoy this, and make the best out of this," he says as they briefly pause to breathe between kisses. "Don't question." (I swear, his comments get creepier every week.) I hope Juan Pablo knows that real relationships are built on more than just physical attraction. You might actually have to talk every once in awhile.
3. HE HAS A DAUGHTER
These ladies knew coming in that Juan Pablo has a child, but were they prepared for him to use his daughter every third second as a method to score with some chicks but not with others? I sure wasn't prepared. Sure, maybe once married, JP will relax a little on his "no hand holding, no kissing in front of Camila" thing, but you can bet she's not going to go away as an excuse. I remember in Emily Maynard's season she was very clear throughout the whole show that she had a daughter and therefore certain standards she was going to be adhering to. She didn't stay overnight with any of the guys in the fantasy suit, for example. Juan Pablo has no clear set of boundaries except night swimming = bad, but making out anywhere but the water = fine and encouraged. JP's wife is never really going to know where she stands in terms of what is appropriate for JP-the-father and what's not.
4. YOU ONLY REALLY HAVE MUTUAL TRUST IF YOU AGREE TO FALL OFF BRIDGES AND CLIMB THROUGH CAVES TOGETHER
On last night's episode JP is basically like, "I have to make sure she trusts me and that can only happen if she crawls through this cave with me." He terrorizes the girls weekly all in the name of trusting each other. Does he know that real trust is trusting that your partner isn't going to make you do something crazy just so you can prove that you like him?
5. SPEAKING OF TERRORIZING...
JP hasn't really grown out of his "I'm a boy and boys tease girls" stage because the wicked smile that crossed his face when he found out Clare didn't want to eat octopus was disturbing. "Ohh, you don't want to eat octopus? That's gonna be the first thing I'm going to give you," he says. Perhaps he was doing it in the name of trust. Sort of a "you don't really love me unless you eat this thing you hate, come on, trust me" thing. He also threw sheep shit at girls. That happened.
6. HE GETS ANGRY WHEN HE DOESN'T HAVE YOUR ATTENTION 100% OF THE TIME
When Clare got upset that he slut-shamed her, she turned her head away and started crying. Juan Pablo took her face in his hands and forcefully moved it back towards him. "Look at me. I don’t like when you don’t look at me," he said. Perhaps he doesn't like it when they look away because he's less able to kiss them at a moment's notice.
I don't know about you, but Juan Pablo is looking less and less appetizing as a potential husband by the second. I guess we'll have to see what next week brings in his home town of Miami. My guess is shark diving off the coast. The date card will say, "Let love take a bite out of you" and the "lucky" date winner will have a meltdown on the beach until Juan Pablo says "do it for me, trust me" at which point a shark will jump out of the water and eat him. Sigh. A girl can dream.
