If you were a '90s kid, then you'll likely remember some fashion and beauty trends that can equally delight you and make you cringe. There were the 99 percent angel tops, blue tinted mascaras, and perfumes that smelled sickly sweet, to name a few. But even better were the '90s fashion and beauty ads that accompanied them — urging you to spend your allowance on all the kitschy stuff.
How were you to know you wanted foam platform flip flops if Brandy or Christina Aguilera didn't wear them inside the pages of a magazine? Would you ever buy that orange tanning lotion if an ad didn't promise you'd be the coolest mean girl in the hallways of your school? I mean, I don't think I would've ever washed my hair with shampoo had the boys of *NSYNC not awkwardly posed next to an exploding bottle of the stuff.
Although those ads might have worked then, they're just a bit outdated and hilarious now. Chances are they'll make you regret everything you did in your pre-teen years while simultaneously making you miss that awkward J-14 stage. From reacquainting us with the '90s super stars who used to grace our walls, to making us question every beauty decision we dabbled in circa junior high, these ads are certainly a trip down memory lane. So let's take a walk, shall we? Below are 11 weird '90s ads that will make you LOL.
1. Tanning Lotion That Could Give You Queen B Status
Finally, the tool that could turn you into the girl you hated. Obviously we all secretly wanted to be the mean girl who flipped her hair while walking down the halls. Oh, middle school. You were a jungle.
2. Steve Madden Meeting Bratz Dolls
I remember seeing these ads when I was younger, and I still don't get what they were trying to convey. I get that Madden was trying to sell me some shoes, but how was seeing a Bratz doll-like woman freaking out over a vintage phone going to make me buy a pair? There's some subliminal stuff happening here that's going over my head.
3. Madden Appealing To Our 99 Percent Angel Side
Do you remember those 1 Percent Devil Tees you or your friend proudly wore to Math Club, while acting like that one time you made out with Billy in his mom's mini van made you some kind of sexual deviant? Well, Madden was playing up on that side of our personas and, I'm not gonna lie, this immediately made me want to buy some chunky platforms that I couldn't walk in.
4. Sketchers 4Wheelers
The perfect accessory for your crop tops and canvas belts? A pair of roller skate gym shoes. Yas kween.
5. When Sally Led Us Astray
For every moody, blue-bangs-in-my-eyes picture and cringe-worthy beads-in-my-hair junior high photo I have, I blame you, Sally. I blame you.
6. Candie's & Our '90s Legends
From Dennis Rodman's gender-bending persona to Carmen Electra's hyper-sexual Baywatch role model status, this ad should remind you of what your ideas of "sexy" and "edgy" were in your teen years.
7. Mature Citizens Gone Wild With... Brandy?
I have no idea what's happening here. I think this is some kind of smart metaphor about life and aging, but I can't get past gramps in the back with his flipped visor.
8. Candie's & Sexy Stuff
I know our hormones were all over the place during our early teen years, but that was an intimidating amount of condoms. Did Alyssa Milano rob the nurse's office, or did the local grocery store have a massive sale on rubbers and she just couldn't pass up the savings? My word.
9. *NSYNC Wanting Us To Wash Our Hair
At last, we could have crunchy, lustrous curls like JT over there. Thank you, Herbal Essences.
10. Perfumes That Gave You Sexual Prowess
I have so many questions here. First: Did she accidentally use this perfume as mace and blast herself in the eyes? Or did she just get allergies during the summer? Either way, I'm sorry. Additionally, am I the only one troubled by the subheading? The whole, "Apply generously to your neck so he can smell the scent as you shake your head 'no,'" sounds uncomfortable to me.
11. Candie's Yet Again
Seemingly playing on Nike's "Just Do It" slogan, Candie's captured every teenage kid's mantra: Just screw it. This appealed to every lethargic, lazy, uncoordinated bone in my teenage body. And I would have absolutely bought those shoes just because.
Looking over these funny '90s ads makes me both miss and never want to relive my teenage years again. Which makes me wonder: What ridiculous 2016 things will we cringe over in a decade?
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Images: Candie's (4); Herbal Essences (1); Fetish Scent (1); Sally (1); Sketchers (1); Steve Madden (2); Sun-In (1)
