Pharrell Williams Is Gallagher Family Glue

As BBC and other sources report, I-can't-believe-he's-40-with-that-face Pharrell Williams wants to work with the Gallagher brothers, Noel and Liam. The former Oasis stars split in 2009 and the never-speaking-again-even-after-nuclear-holocaust brothers went on to do some solo projects. Noel released several singles and the album High Flying Birds and Liam worked with ex-Oasis members in a band called Beady Eye. Liam has also been running in colorful shoes, recently. Obviously, Liam won the split.

When Williams said, "Who wouldn't want to work with the Gallaghers? Yeah, both of them," he clearly was not speaking as a child of divorce. Yes, let's reunite two people who allegedly had an altercation with a plum and guitar as weapons. It will make for a fantastic collaboration, said no one ever. In his hopeful statement, however, Williams revealed that he could very well be the next superglue to broken families, the next splint for ugly sibling splits, the next camp counselor in The Parent Trap.

Clearly, the Gallagher brothers would both be Lindsay Lohan in this situation, even if the metaphor would involve the Gallagher brothers melding into the same person who later struggles with drug addiction after starring in a highly successful film written by Tina Fey. Williams, in turn, would play the part of the counselor who decides that it's somehow okay to place two people in solitary confinement when they have a definite grudge match against each other.

All Williams needs to do is find a band camp that's willing to accept two pop stars in their forties without batting an eye. Then he needs to drug them with an amnesiac that wipes out the last four years of vengeful thoughts and release them in a musical environment that contains a) no plums to trigger bad memories, and b) the remaining members of Oasis.

When Liam picks up his tambourine and Noel plucks at his guitar, both will find themselves, eyes locked, crowing, "I don't believe that anybody/ Feels the way I do about you now." Williams will enter with a package of Oreos and a jar of peanut butter. All will indulge. A brilliant collaboration will commence.

It's all definitely worth it for a good album.