Before we proceed, I freely admit that I worship the ground J.K. Rowling walks on, and if I could elect someone Queen of the Known Universe, it would most likely be her. That's why I am personally predisposed to reject this wildly hilarious Tumblr theory that J.K. Rowling was the evil villain in Harry Potter all along ... but what if I'm predisposed to think that because that's exactly how she wanted it? (Cue the ~weeeewoooooo~ music.) It might turn out that I am just one of hundreds of millions of brainwashed Muggles who fell under her literal spell.
See, the fandom has long suspected that J.K. Rowling secretly is a witch who went to Hogwarts and did the whole magic shebang, because it's kind of impossible for us to fathom that this entire world (aka religion, for people like me) popped out of one mortal human's brain. Calling her writing a work of fiction, in that case, would be a clever way to exploit the awesome of the Wizarding World without having the International Confederation Of Wizards on her ass. If this were true, her writing would still be a hella impressive feat — but, y'know, a little more plausible, since she actually lived it. (Let me have this headcanon; I never got my Hogwarts letter and 13 years later I'm holding on by a thread here, guys.)
Well, that's where Tumblr user psyoureugly comes in with this controversial new theory. Hold on to those mismatched socks Dobby made you, fellow Potterheads, because this is going to mess you up:
What if J.K Rowling is the ultimate evil entity in the wizarding world, ousted by the people’s leader: Voldemort - the kindest, most gracious, genuine and most importantly - most powerful wizard ever known. What if SHE was the darkness lurking in the shadows using fear to control the actions of good wizards everywhere until someone, somewhere had the courage to stand up to her - Voldemort.
And no matter how many times she thought she’d defeated him he kept coming back to fight her again because after committing a truly selfless act (like say sacrificing his own life to protect someone from J.K) he was awarded a horcrux - an item so revered no wizard had ever displayed the selflessness of character to receive it. And each time he gave his own life to protect the wizarding world he was awarded another until he had 7 - at which point J.K found out about the Horcruxes.
Realizing that his power is only going to grow if she continues to go after him the way she had been she retreats to the muggle world and writes Harry Potter, exposing ALL the secrets of the wizarding world, bad mouthing the very best wizards ever known and teaching us that a horcrux is a sign of verified evil - NOT good, all while she slowly builds a muggle army - spending DECADES indoctrinating us to the ideas of who is good and who is evil within the wizarding world until one day she casts a spell that drops the hypothetical wall between our worlds unleashing the bloodiest most aggressive assault the wizarding world has ever seen? Millions of muggles across the globe begin a hunt to destroy any remaining horcruxes - the very thing keeping us alive and safe from J.K.
Um, GASP much?! If that's the case, then poor, sweet Voldemort (wow, that hurt to type) was really trying to protect us all along.
The bad news is that even if this is all true, it's too late. I'd follow J.K. Rowling to the end of the earth. If we can forgive her for killing Fred Weasley, then I don't think there's much else she could do to shake off our undying loyalty and love.
Images: Giphy
