Entertainment
'Game of Thrones' Season 4 Images Allow Us to Imagine What Happens In Specific Scenes
Alright, Game of Thrones fans: Season 4 of the hit HBO fantasy epic is nearing closer with every passing day. And with each day a new insight, photo, promo, or the like is revealed to us, further opening the scope of what's to come in the sure-to-be action-packed and hyper-dramatic season. With the release of new Game of Thrones Season 4 images, though, we've been placed right in the action of the forthcoming episodes, but without any of the context. Which left us with questions that I am here to not-at-all answer for you.
Which is totally unfair, right? Never afraid of pulling a Tim Gunn and making it work, though, we've taken it upon ourselves to fill in the blanks for you by setting the scenes and crafting the most logical dialogue we could think of for the images.
Because we want you to be as prepared for the upcoming season as possible — and we care. Unlike George R.R. Martin, who just keeps throwing new, interesting characters at us for the sole purpose of emotional destruction down the line when you're forced to watch them gruesomely die, right at the moment you've grown fond of them. So click through for some nearly spoiler-free context.
Images: HBO
Jaime and Cersei Lannister
“Our cousin. Seriously?”
“Jaime, you were gone.”
“Is nothing SACRED?!”
“Jaime, last time I checked I was your sister you’re fucking. So no, I’d say the sanctity of things has long been forgotten.”
“…But I LOVE YOU!”
*Rolls eyes and mutters* “Seven Gods there is not enough wine in the whole of the realm for this nonsense right now.”
*whimpers* “What was that?”
“How can I put this plainly, Jaime? I’m just not that into you — outside of using you for your body because I hate myself for being a woman and therefore socially inferior to you and your stupid no hand, be-penised self.”
“…”
“…”
“I’m telling father!”
“Seven fucking hells!”
Daario Naharis
“Yeah, what up? I’m Daario. You might not recognize me because I look completely different compared to the dude who played me last season, but, eh, whatevs. Right? Anyway I’m here: now which one’s the girl I’m supposed to get my lothario on with? It’s the blonde one with the dragons, right? Dragons are so sweet! I kinda want one — do you think she’ll let me have one if I fall in love with her?”
Dany and Missandei
“Holy shit….did you see the new guy?”
“Oh my god say no more, Khaleesi because I mean: I know, right?”
“Missandei, I order you to find the address of the casting department for this whole thing so I might send over several bouquets of moonblooms and blue winter roses.”
“This one can get it done, my Khaleesi.”
“Damn straight. Now if you’ll excuse me…”
Dany and Daario Naharis
“Hello, new one. I suppose should welcome you properly to my khalasar.”
“Well, sorta new! Different face, same character.”
“Oh, right. OK. Well, uhm, I think where we left off with the last guy was the about to be lovers part.”
*shrugs* “Cool.”
A flush washes over Dany as she stumbles and stammers like a teenager. “HA HA HA I KNOW, so crazy, right? I mean it’s like — hello! — we totally just met. And I’m just supposed to like, what, fall in love with you? That’d be like, total madness. So un-queenly of me.” *hits Daario on the shoulder*
*Looks at her strangely* “I dunno, makes sense to me.”
“Wait…does it?”
“Look how attractive we both are.”
*Giggles uncontrollably, turning bright red* “Well I suppose every queen needs a concubine.”
Dany — Two days later.
“Oh Daaaaaaaariooooo…. these tented chambers ain’t gonna erect themselves, honey.”
Arya Stark and The Hound
“I’m a Stark, you know.”
“What you are is a festering boil on my side. Now shut up about being a Stark. All the Starks are basically dead, your house is on fire, and we’re certainly not going to take a tiny inconsequential girl seriously.”
Arya quickly begins throwing her tiny fists around in a fury. “You don’t know anything! With a sword I could chop your balls off!”
“With my fist I could smash you into oblivion. You keep forgetting for all your scrapiness, you’re still a little girl.”
*Mutters under breath* “Yeah we’ll see about that when I go all valar morghulis on your ass in a murderous rampage in a few years.”
Ygritte and Tormond Giantsbane
“You know I have no idea why you’re still alive, Ygritte, after your boyfriend Jon Snow up and left you, proving what I called all a-fucking-long.”
“Oh stuff it! I didn’t leave, so maybe you should cut me some slack.”
“Slack? You think Mance Rayder’s the forgiving kind?”
“If want this ever-dwindling mission to succeed he will! Besides, you love my ginger ass. I’m kissed by fire, I’m lucky.”
Tormond laughs. “My beard’s got twice the magic of your bush.”
“Oh please! What are you, stuck with your head in your own ass like that psycho Bolton Bastard?”
“My big read beard beats your bush any day of the week. Twice. And also — there’s no way you would be aware at all of Roose Bolton’s psycho bastard.”
“Ha! That’s what you think. What do you think the crows are doing when they’re not delivering messages across the realm? They’re gossiping with me, natch.”
“This just took a turn for the strange. Where’s Orell. …Orell?”
Jon Snow
“Goddamnit Ygritte! Why’d you have to show your face here, of all places?! Can’t you see I’m probably going to have to kill you now and then be subsequently sad and sexy? It totally ruins my cred with the other guys when I do that! This is something I KNOW, Ygritte. I know this! OK? Who’s the ill-informed one now, eh?”
Tyrion and Shae
“So, not only did you not fuck her, now we’ve got to deal with this mess?”
“I always knew things would get slightly more complicated before they got better, my love.”
Shae is unimpressed. “You know, it’s shocking how much you willingly fuck around on when you’re not implicitly told to!”
“Seven Hells, Shae — you, too, now?”
“I thought I shacked up with a lion, not a lamb. If I wanted a spineless halfwit, I would’ve hopped on that Tarly chap.”
“Well that’s just a low blow.”
“I have to hit low in order to have it actually impact you.”
“Huh. That worked both literally and figuratively. Guess I can’t really come back from that.”
Sansa and Tyrion
“This isn’t going to get easier for you, you know that, right?”
“I don’t understand why dreaming of a elegant and simple life of Queendom and security, surrounded by dazzling parties, princes, flowers, and moonbeams is so much to ask.”
“Because that’s an absolutely insane expectation to have for anything other than a fairytale, sweetling. Surely you must know that by now?”
“But I’m so pretty and nice and obedient! I don’t understand.”
Tyrion pats Sansa’s hand comfortingly. “Just finish your breakfast. I’ll send the children up to the solar so you can play ‘Who’s Got The Maiden?’ later.”
*Blissfully ignorant and happy* “Weee!”
King Joffrey
“NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA I CAN’T HEAR YOU GRAMPS! NA NA NA BOO BOO I’M THE KING NOT YOUU-UUU!”
Tywin Lannister
“Ugh, someone should really slap that little shit. How did I come to birth the absolute worst family in the history of time? ”
King Joffrey
“Because you’re an evil, terrible monster, grandfather! Genetics are real! And mine are double-basted. Hooray incest!”
Margery and Lady Olenna Tyrell
“What are we going to do now, grandmother?”
“Just walk around some more. Like we do.”
“But that doesn’t fix anything. We still have to do something, don’t we?”
“Why what silly sort of nonsense is that, dear girl? We don’t do, we pretend and then pounce when its most convenient. It’s called scheming, dear.”
“Is that really how one handles these situations?”
“I mean — what else should one do, my child? We must land our feet on the right side of the equation here.”
“I swear if I have to go through with another wedding…”
“Hey — you’ll take what you can get and you’ll like it! Remember: manipulation takes all kinds.”
Samwell Tarly
“Well, here I am again. Facing death, most assuredly useless. Obviously this means I’m going to survive, right? By some miracle or chance of happenstance? It couldn’t be because I’m secretly stronger than I think, or look, or act, or have some destiny of greatness awating me, right?”
Samwell pauses for a second before chuckling to himself and shaking his head in dismay. “Oh what a follied notion. This is Game of Thrones.”
Oberyn Martell and Ellaria Sand
“Ready for The Next Generation?”
“Is that what this is? I thought we were just here for a wedding.”
“Uh, Ellaria, where have you been? This is Game of Thrones. No wedding is just a wedding, sillyhead.”
“Sillyhead? I’m sorry, are you the Red Viper or the Red Piper?”
“What I am is a fan favorite so you shut your goddamn mouth.”
“You bastard.”
“Yeah and you’d know a thing or two about bastards!”
They both laugh. “I just love our witty repartee and banter.”
“We’re going to have so much crazy-passionate sex on this show, aren’t we?”
“Duh.”
