Life
Don't Settle For These 7 Kinds Of Partners
I’ve always wondered why people settle for partners who aren’t good for them. That was until I recently realized I might be on the verge of doing it myself. I had to take a deep breath and remind myself there are certain kinds of partners you should never settle for, and that despite my wanting to get married and start a family in the next few years, I shouldn’t even consider settling for the wrong person. Of course, there are some traits people say are a “must have” in their ideal partner, but I, for one, am mostly concerned that they are none of the below types of partners. What resonates most with me are the partners who have the power to ultimately make you feel like complete crap — these are the types of people we should stay away from, and refuse to settle with.
Everyone reading this has their own unique individual experiences with their partner that I naturally know nothing about, but read through this and consider some of these points and how they align to your relationship. If you’re constantly feeling “blah” in your relationship, but like the fact that you are actually in a relationship — that alone is not a good reason to stay. Think about some of the kinds of partners discussed here, and whether your current partner fits the mold. It might seem like a nightmare right now to end things with this person, but think of how much happier you could be down the road once you're with someone who respects you — or you realize that you don't need someone to make you happy, after all, because you can do that yourself. Here are seven kinds of partners you should never settle for.
1. The Cheater
I’m a firm believer that cheating is a major no-no. Perhaps it’s because I’ve been cheated on and I know how much it stings, or perhaps because I also took said cheater back and I know how much it stung later when he continued to treat me horribly. According to YourTango.com, a website dedicated to offering relationship advice, one of the main reasons it’s difficult to stay with a partner after they’ve cheated is because the relationship might be damaged beyond repair. YourTango.com noted sometimes people cheat due to specific reasons directly related to relationship — such as emotional dissatisfaction. However, other times the cheating happens whether or not the cheater is satisfied with the relationship or not, and this might mean the cheating will continue to occur, according to the outlet. There might be circumstances when accepting a cheater back might seem like the right thing to do (if you’re married with children, etc.), but at the end of the day remember your worth, and make an educated decision from there.
2. The Commitment-Phobe
Am I the only one who rooted against Mr. Big in Sex And The City? The times I was rooting for him (which were few and far between) were when I found myself thinking, “Maybe he’ll change for Carrie.” For anyone who watched the series and both of the movies, you know it was a struggle constantly for them — they rarely wanted exactly the same thing at exactly the same time.
When we’re dating an emotionally unavailable commitment-phobe in real life, we’re likely hoping the same thing — maybe they’ll change for us. The likely, however, feel so slim. According to Psychology Today, commitment phobia is a fear of any kind of commitment that involves people. The major problem here, as Psychology Today noted, is that if you try to stay with this kind of partner, ultimately they may prove incapable of having a relationship. That could potentially translate to a lot of time wasted. Basically, if you’re not looking for a serious commitment either, than by all means go for it. However, if you’re someone who is hoping for marriage and a family, and can tell your partner isn’t interested in either, this isn’t the person you should stay with.
3. The One Who Doesn’t Know How To Apologize
According to Relevant Magazine, a partner who isn’t willing to apologize can lead to a rocky relationship. At first it might not bother you as much, but down the line, it’s bound to cause a strain. As Relevant Magazine attested to, the ability to admit wrongdoing in a relationship shows maturity and respect — two things you should be seeking in a partner, especially one you intend to spend the rest of your life with.
4. The One Who Believes It’s Their Way Or The Highway
Similarly to partners who can’t seem to bring themselves to apologize, you should also avoid partners who will never compromise. Compromise is one of the key parts of a successful relationship, according to the Huffington Post. If your partner truly cares about the relationship, they’ll give in here and there to make sure your needs are being met (and, of course, you’ll want to do the same for them). Huffington Post noted there should be an equal amount of give and take in a relationship in order for both partners to be happiest.
5. The Narcissist
Narcissists are incredibly challenging to date (I’ve had my go-around with this, and it was quite an experience), so settling with them for the long run might be even more of an obstacle. According to Psych Central, a true narcissist is difficult to be in a relationship with because they lack qualities needed to be in a healthy partnership, including empathy and the ability to be genuine with another person. Psych Central said the lack of these important qualities could leave the other partner feeling worthless and emotionally exhausted.
6. The One With Zero Motivation
When we’re it's hard to see how important motivation is, but with age it becomes very apparent — motivation is necessary for ourselves and for the people we’re dating. Motivation here pertains to something as big as career goals and objectives to something as simple as taking out the trash on garbage day to prevent the house from becoming a pigpen. According to Cosmopolitan, if your partner is under 25, consider cutting them some slack. If they’re older, try setting goals together to see if it’ll help your partner to feel that sense of motivation. If after that you still feel their major concern is, say, what type of pizza you guys are ordering for dinner, it’s time to stop settling and cut them loose.
7. The One Who Is Always Rude
Plainly put — rudeness sucks! You don’t want to end up settling with someone who is regularly rude to you, or even regularly rude to the other people you encounter. Carly Spindel, matchmaker, dating expert, and relationship advisor, wrote an article for the Huffington Post on the kind of partner you should end up marrying, and a few of her points aligned directly to the importance of the partner being kind to you. According to Spindel, this includes that your partner makes you feel happy, is sweet to you, and is willing to do anything for you.
It can feel really difficult to end a relationship that feels comfortable, but if your partner is any of the types of people described above, you might consider taking some time to reevaluate the partnership. While it might completely stink now, down the road you could be thanking yourself big time for getting out when you did.
