One of the most common fantasies is a threesome. The idea of having not one, but two people lavishing attention on you, is the type of stuff many, and I mean many, people want to experience. And why not? If you really love something, who wouldn’t want double of it? I know I feel that way about pizza — two whole pies of pizza to be exact.
And it’s not as though just one gender gets to corner the market on desiring another person in the bedroom. According to research, threesomes are in the top five fantasies for women, tucked in between being masturbated and being dominated. That’s pretty far up there on the list of desires in a world of thousands and thousands of fantasies from which to choose.
Although a 2014 study found that not every woman wants her fantasies to come true, for those who do, a MMF threesome just might be on the list, and there’s no shame in that. There’s also no shame in sitting down with your partner, discussing your desires, and seeing if they’re up for it.
Hoping to make your dreams of a MMF threesome happen this calendar year? With a dash of charm and a bunch of communication, you might be able to pull it off. Here are seven ways to convince your partner to have a MMF threesome.
1. Explain Why It Interests You
If you want to have a MMF threesome, there’s a good chance that you’ve been thinking about it for a while. You’ve probably dabbled in watching some MMF porn or fantasized about being in such a scenario while masturbating.
"When approaching the subject of a threesome, I advise my clients to be absolutely sure of their intention," NYC-based sex expert and relationship coach Lia Holmgren tells Bustle. "When a couple who is adding a third intimate partner, one individual shouldn’t feel pressured or like they’re only doing this for their partner. Both partners in a couple should be excited for a threesome. If one partner is uncomfortable or only wants to participate to please their partner, the couple shouldn’t proceed."
Wanting to be in a threesome isn’t a totally out-there fantasy, and since fantasies are very common, sharing it with your partner isn’t out of bounds. Nor is telling them why you’re so intrigued by it.
2. Assure Your Partner It’s Not Because They're "Lacking" Anything
If you tell your partner that you want to be with them and another person, their initial response might be that they're lacking in some way. They might think that they're not delivering the goods and that’s why you want to bring another person into the mix. But be clear this is about fun, and the last thing you want to do is ruin the relationship with a threesome.
If you wanted to run off and have sex with someone else, then maybe your partner could be concerned. But since that isn’t the case and you want to just add someone else to the equation, they should be rest assured that it’s not about something they aren't doing right.
3. Address How It Could Be Good For Your Sex Life
Sex is about exploration and experimentation. While it’s great having sex with your partner, sometimes you need to add a little spice. In adding spice, you’re having a new experience together, one that might even make you closer, enhancing your intimacy.
4. Let Your Partner Discuss All Their Concerns
Some people have a really hard time with not just the idea of sharing their partner with someone else, but being in a sexual situation with another person.
"You know your relationship better than anyone else," Daniel Saynt, founder of The New Society for Wellness (NSFW), a sex-positive members-only sex club, tells Bustle. "If you and your partner are dealing with issues of jealousy it’s probably not a good idea to discuss bringing someone else in, until you can work through the issues and identify what sparks these feelings... Having open honest conversations about your relationship is key to navigating the tricky territory of threesomes."
Also, a MMF threesome doesn’t mean you’re asking your partner to have sex with another person, per se, but if they think that’s what you’re proposing, be clear. MMF could simply mean wanting two people catering to your desires ― they don’t even have to touch each other if that's something they're not comfortable with.
5. Let Them Know They Can Have A Say In How It Goes Down
Let your partner know, from the beginning, that they have the power to say "no" at anytime during the threesome. Let them have a say in who the third party will be, and respect the fact if they don't want the same person as you want to be in on the threesome.
"Discuss expectations and set some boundaries if you want a little more control of the situation," Saynt says. "If you’re inviting someone into a shared bedroom, be sure to all take a second to talk about where you want the evening to go. It’s OK to share things that will make you uncomfortable beforehand so that you can go into the experience with a clear path to sexual satisfaction."
So although you may have suggested it, while trying to convince your partner it’s going to be a lot of fun, give them 50 percent of the power. This may be your fantasy, but if they're part of it, then they have a say.
6. Make A Deal
The best way to get what you want is to bargain. Maybe this means you'll try something they've always wanted to try, too. Fair is fair.
7. Don’t Be Pushy About It
If you back anyone into a corner, they’re going to come out with their claws ready to defend themselves. You don’t want that. If you see your partner getting uncomfortable, then back off. As much as you may want to fulfill your fantasy, you don’t want to be a bully about it.
"We teach people the importance of knowing how to take rejection and knowing how to decline someone," Saynt says. "If you’re turned down, don’t feel embarrassed or upset. Move on."
In time, your partner might come around to the idea of a MMF threesome, or maybe they never will. You can't fault someone for not being interested in something that appeals to you, especially in regards to sex. But if they are into it, it could be an experience you both never forget.
This post was originally published on January 27, 2016. It was updated on August 12, 2019.
