If you're interested in trying pegging for the first time, you're not alone. In the last couple years, pegging is a topic that people have been discussing a bit more openly. First anal sex was brought out of the darkness of shame and fear of judgment, and pegging wasn’t too far behind. In fact, when Abbi pegged a guy on Broad City it helped to further move pegging even more so into the spotlight or, at the very least, out of the far reaches of the Earth. I wouldn’t say that pegging has arrived, per se, but I would say it’s on its way.
Pegging, in case you’re new to the term, is the sex act in which a female partner penetrates her male partner’s ass with a strap-on. It’s not exactly a new sex act, having been addressed in the 1998 sex ed video series, Bend Over Boyfriend , and I’m sure it goes back even further than that. With human beings having lived on this planet for so long, there’s no way pegging is something people have been doing in just the last 20 years or so. Maybe it didn’t technically have a name until recently, but there’s no way in hell that Caligula and his fellow Romans didn’t give it try ― more than a few times.
But because it does involve a man being penetrated by his female partner, and in the butt of all places, there’s definitely still a stigma attached to pegging, making it a difficult subject to broach. However, with a little bit of finesse you can finally find the nerve to ask your partner if you could try pegging. I’m not guaranteeing they’ll consent, but at least you’ve started the process of putting it out there and talking about it. Here are seven ways to ask your partner if you could try pegging.
1. Bring Up The Conversation
Whether you choose to bring up pegging over a shrimp cocktail at your favorite restaurant or during pillow talk, you need to start somewhere. Before you can ask someone anything at all, you need to start with a conversation. For all you know, your partner might not even be familiar with the term, so you tell them that you want to try it, they agree, then you whip out a dildo and a harness, and suddenly you have yourself an awkward situation.
2. Ask Them Their Thoughts On It
Once you brought up the conversation in a casual manner, ask them what they think about it. Don’t immediately tell them that you want to try it, because you want to give them the floor to share their opinions. If you skip to what you want, without giving them a chance to talk about their feelings on the subject first, it’s sort of unfair. Relationships are about communication, and giving and taking in equal parts. So give them the chance to speak and listen.
3. Tell Them Your Thoughts On It
No matter how your partner responds, either in the positive or negative, be honest about your feelings on pegging. Even if your partner has recoiled at the thought, it could just be a gut reaction to something that’s completely foreign to them. You might find that if you honestly share your opinions, your partner might alter their thoughts a bit.
4. Explain Why You Want To Try It
Everyone’s reasons as to why they want to try pegging is different. Some want to out of curiosity, others like the idea of gender role reversal, some want to be the one in charge, while others just want to break down sexual taboos that say that men can’t be penetrated in the butt and enjoy it. Whatever the reason, be clear and honest with your partner about why you want to do it.
5. Tackle The Myths
As is the case with many sexual acts, there are a lot of myths surrounding pegging. Like it's going to hurt, if a man likes it then he's gay, a woman, because she's on the giving end, derives no pleasure, among other fallacies. In addressing these myths, you're more likely to put a lot of the concerns to bed.
6. Respect Their Boundaries
If your partner isn’t into pegging, for whatever reason, respect that. If it’s something they need to mull over, respect that, too. If they need to ease into it with smaller toys, or even your finger for starters, respect that and discuss how you’ll go about making it as comfortable and pleasurable as possible (i.e. using lots of lube).
7. Circle Back
If you left the subject open for further discussion, then give your partner time, but circle back eventually. If your partner gave you a firm “no,” then don’t press the subject. Pegging may be something you want to try, but you can’t force your partner to do something in which they’re not interested, either by guilt or playful taunting.
We all have a line in our sex life that we don’t want crossed and being in a relationship means respecting that line. Besides, you never know what’s in your future. Your partner might come home one night with with a strap-on in a bag and totally ready for it. You never know; but it’s also someplace they need to get to on their own.
Want more of Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage? Check out our video on sex positions for small penises:
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