I tend to ramble on about the amazing benefits of clitoral stimulation, and how just mind-blowingly incredible the clitoris is in general. There's a lot of talk about how to incorporate clitoral stimulation into your sex life or the best sex toys for your clit. But it's a little misleading, because it suggests that stimulating the clit is just one activity— it's a little heavy handed (PUN INTENDED) to act like "stimulation" is the end of it. There are a lot of different ways to play with the clit, and a lot to keep in mind. And just because we know we're supposed to play with it, doesn't mean we know how.
I mean, we've all had times when someone is really going for it and the sensitivity means the pleasure starts to feel... well, not so pleasurable. Right? Or someone who seems to be rubbing somewhere near it... like, clit-adjacent, which is a little awkward and feels OK, I guess, but isn't exactly what we're going for.
So you need to pay attention. I mean, it has 8,000 nerve endings. 8,000! That's as much as the entire head of the penis, but packed into a much smaller size. But just because it's small, you can't forget that al 8,000 of those nerve endings are there to be engaged with, and there are a whole lot of different ways you can do that.
So here are seven clit mistakes to avoid, because you know you're supposed to be incorporating it, but there's a whole lot more to it than that:
1. Paying Too Little Attention
Firstly, you (and/or your partner) need to pay attention to it. A lot of women require clitoral stimulation for orgasm. And, depending on the shape of their vulva or inner labia, or just clitoral hood, you may need to pay extra attention to make sure direct stimulation is happening.
2. Paying Too Much Attention
That being said, some people have clitorises that are more exposed or larger, and there's no problem stimulating them. But no matter what your clitoris and labia looks like, there is a point for a lot of women where there is too much stimulation— it becomes sore, or just so sensitive it's no longer pleasurable.
3. Forgetting It After Foreplay
Yay! We did some fingering and cunnilingus and clit play, now it's time for penetration! Great— but don't forget the clit. There are so many amazing positions where your hands are free and you can still have clitoral stimulation. And if you want her (or yourself) to orgasm during penetrative sex, you're probably going to need to incorporate it. Too many people think it's just for foreplay.
4. Going Straight For Too Much Pressure
Remember all those amazing nerve endings in the clitoris? They are freaking incredible. They're also very, very sensitive. And while some women do like a lot of pressure, including rubbing the clit against the pubic bone, you can't just jump straight in with both feet. It's just a lot. So start by gently stimulating it and then work your way up to more and more pressure slowly and you'll find the sweet spot somewhere in there.
5. Ignoring The Different Parts
There are some people who believe the upper right hand corner of the ciltoris is the most sensitive, sex coach Amy Levine told Buzzfeed. But even if you don't find that's the case, it is important to pay attention to all the different parts. And did you know that you can use the clitoral hood to massage the clitoris? It's not just a little blob, there's a lot happening.
6. Not Using Lube
Even if you don't specifically need lube, that's no reason not to be playing with it. It kicks your clitoral stimulation up a notch— especially if you invest in a lube with extra sensation, like tingling or heat. Start with just a little, because it can be a really strong feeling, and work your way up.
7. Using A One-Size-Fits-All Approach
There are so many different things that can be done— with your hands, toys, whatever— whether you're solo or with a partner. We all think we have certain moves that work every time, but you have to more open-minded than that. Just pay attention to reactions and follow those cues rather than auto-piloting to something familiar. There are so many amazing benefits if you do it right, so take your time.
Want more of Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage? Check out our video on sex positions for small penises:
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