If you've ever wanted a snapshot of who Kanye West is right now, at this moment in his life, look no further than all the references in "No More Parties In LA." That song is, of course, the latest in Kanye's series of new music that he's dropping every Friday, except this was released in full on Jan. 18, Featuring Kendrick Lamar, "No More Parties In LA" is one of the more personal songs he's ever put out there. But, in addition to all that soul-exposing stuff, it also has a whole bunch of brands and name-dropping in it, just to remind you that this is still Kanye. Sure, he's being a bit of a softie and letting us see maybe a secret part of himself, but he's also super cool and with-it, and he's gonna prove that by referencing every single cool thing he can think of, and cramming all those references into the same song.
You may think I'm exaggerating, but Kanye really did squeeze a ton of products and names and locations into "No More Parties In LA" — 24 to be exact. And, since I'm a nice girl who wants you to look smart in front of your friends, I've recorded them all for you here. Never again will you have to pretend that you know what Kanye's talking about, because it's all right here and you can know for sure. So here are all the things that he's trying to impress you by shouting out.
1. Ray Ban
Hey baby you forgot your Ray BansAnd my sheets still orange from your spray tan
Ray Bans are fancy sunglasses that you cannot afford.
2. Sprinter
She remember my Sprinter, said "I was in the grape van"
A Sprinter is a type of fancy van that you cannot afford.
3. Erykah Badu
Come Erykah Badu me, well, let's make a movie
Erykah Badu is a singer-songwriter who has a history of dating rappers, and is too cool to hang out with you.
4. Denny's
Mama used to cook red beans and riceNow it's Denny's, 4 in the morning, spoil your appetite
Denny's is a 24-hour diner situation that serves breakfast all day. You can afford to go there, but not ironically like Kanye does.
5. Captain Crunch
Make me believe in miracles, Buddhist monks and Captain Crunch cereal
Captain Crunch is a corn and oat breakfast cereal that you can probably afford, so please take a moment to note that Kendrick Lamar and Kanye West are "just like us." (We all own a full set of solid gold spoons too, right?)
6. Instagram
Instagram is the best way to promote some p***y
Instagram is a photo-sharing social media platform that you probably think you can afford. But can you afford to buy Instagram? (No, none of us can. Mark Zuckerberg will consume us all.)
7. Louis Vuitton
A backpack n***a with luxury taste budsAnd a Louis Vuitton store, got all of my pay stubs
Louis Vuitton is a luxury brand that makes all the luggage with that "LV" logo that you see in movies starring fancy people. You can't afford it.
8. Steve Jobs
When I get on my Steve Jobs, somebody gon' get fired
Steve Jobs was the co-founder of Apple and a technological genius. He is no longer with us, and you couldn't afford to have him speak at your conference even if he was.
9. Lauryn Hill
I was uninspired since Lauryn Hill retired
Lauryn Hill is a former member of the Fugees with one solo album and an erratic career ever since. You are not rich enough to make eye contact with her.
10. André 3000
And 3 Stacks, man, you preach it to the choir
André 3000 was also a member of a popular group, OutKast, and released just one solo album subsequently. I was not even rich enough to know that sometimes he goes by 3 Stacks without looking it up.
11. Monica Lewinsky
Any rumor you heard about me was true and legendaryI done got Lewinsky and paid secretaries
Monica Lewinsky was the White House intern who notoriously got sexually involved with Bill Clinton in the mid-'90s. You cannot afford a secretary.
12. Amber Rose
I remember Amber told my boy no matter what happens she ain't going back to Philly
Amber Rose was Kanye's girlfriend from 2008 to 2010. She honestly seems like a pretty nice girl, and would probably be your friend even if you didn't have money.
13. Mulholland Drive
You know that L.A. is so jammin'I be thinkin' every dayMulholland Drive, need to put up some got damn barricades
I be paranoid every time
Mulholland Drive is a picturesque road in the Santa Monica Mountains in Southern California. You can't afford to live anywhere near there.
14. The 405
Textin' and drivin' down Mulholland DriveThat's why I'd rather take the 405
Interstate 405 is a major thoroughfare that goes north-south in Southern California. You could probably afford to have a car in L.A., but only because you can't afford not to.
15. Kim Kardashian
I be worried 'bout my daughter, I be worried 'bout Kim
Kim Kardashian is Kanye West's wife. I can't even afford her book of selfies.
16. Saint West
But Saint is baby Ye, I ain't worried 'bout him
Saint West is Kanye's son. You aren't rich enough to pull off the name "Saint."
17. Yeezys
Some days I'm in my Yeezys
Yeezys are the sneaker that Kanye designed, and, unless you're a Kardashian-Jenner or can afford to drop upwards of $1,000 on Ebay for a pair, they are not for your feet.
18. Vans
Some days I'm in my Vans
Honestly I love Vans, and they're fairly affordable. This is a successful shout out in my book, Kanye. You hooked me.
19. Xanax
If I knew y'all made plans I wouldn't've popped the Xans
Xanax is a prescription sedative that treats anxiety and panic disorders. Imagine being able to afford to go to a doctor!
20. Maybach
It took six months to take the Maybach all matted out
Maybach is a German luxury car brand that Kanye tricked out his version of by refitting it with matte paint. Look me in the eye and tell me that you've ever tricked anything out in your life, let alone a car.
21. North West
Pink fur, got Nori dressing like Cam
North West is Kanye's daughter. Um, put your money away, you can't buy babies. What are you even doing?
22. Cam'ron
Pink fur, got Nori dressing like Cam
Cam'ron is a rapper from the early 2000s who wore ridiculous outfits that you and I probably couldn't even afford the dry-cleaning bill for.
23. E!
Whole family gettin' money, thank God for E!
E! Is the television network that basically funds the Kardashian-Jenner family. I can vaguely afford cable.
24. Robocop
We need the turbo thots, high speed, turbo thotsDrop-drop-drop-drop it like Robocop
In addition to being the name of another Kanye single, from 808s & Heartbreak, Robocop is also a movie about a police officer who's killed and then brought back to life as a cyborg. Hey, you can afford movies sometimes, or to include lines in your songs that reference more than one thing!
So what have we learned from listening to "No More Parties in LA," everybody? That Kanye West is rich and cool, but yet still in touch with the youth culture, and we should listen to all his music? Yeah? Great, mission accomplished. Great job, 'Ye.
Images: Giphy (7)
