A lot of people are nervous about anal sex, especially if they've never done it before. It's just a bit overwhelming, and you probably think of pain and poop and a whole lot of other stuff. Basically, there are lots of misconceptions around anal sex. And I would start to combat these by saying it doesn't have to be just sex. Integrating anal stimulation into your sex life can be amazing and interesting and novel, with no penetration required. If it leads to something more, fine, and if you end up just sticking to anal play with no penetration, that's fine too— it's all about what you want to do.
I get that you're going to feel awkward if you've never done it before. Maybe you want to jump right in, or maybe you want to stay in the shallow end (pun not intended, but appreciated). This is definitely one of those "talk it out" situations. Tell your partner that you're interested in trying it, but also explain what you and are't comfortable with to start with. Then you can play around without worrying they're going to go too far— set the boundaries before hand.
And if you're still not sure if you're interested in trying it, here are some massive reasons to incorporate anal stimulation, because you never need an excuse to buy more toys:
1. You Don't Need To Rush Into Anything
Anal play can seem really, really overwhelming if you're new to it, but don't think that as soon as you decide to explore that are you'll be having something massive in there two seconds later. In fact, one of the best parts of anal play is the outer area. As YouTuber Davey Wavey explains, most of the nerve endings are on the outside, so you don't even need to do anything penetrative to get the benefits. Let your fingers do a little roaming next time you're having sex or masturbating, just enjoy the sensitivity.
2. There Are A Whole Lot Of Options
Like I said, you don't have to get penetrative. You can stimulate the outside area with your mouth or with your fingers, and when it comes to penetrate you can use your finger or tongue. Plus, there's anal sex. So you can really play around and see what works for you.
3. For Men, It's A Game-Changer
Anal play isn't all one way. And in fact, it really makes more sense for you to do it on him, too. The male prostate is basically their G-spot— it's incredibly sensitive and is supposed to give them larger than life orgasms. So if you're in a hetero relationship, it's something you can explore together through a prostate massage or or even pegging, rather than feeling like the pressure is all on you.
4.... With A Lot Of Health Benefits
According to LELO, who design some of my favorite sex toys, there are a lot of benefits to prostate play for a man. And not just that it feels incredible and gives you ridiculously intense orgasms. Their site says that "regular prostate massage reduces the risk of prostatitis, prostate cancer, genital pain, symptoms of erectile dysfunction and frequent nighttime urination. In addition, it improves overall erectile function and increases seminal fluid and circulation." Need any more convincing?
5. It Doesn't Need To (And Shouldn't) Hurt
I'm sure you've heard about someone having anal sex that really hurt, and that's scary. But it really, really shouldn't. It can feel overwhelming or maybe uncomfortable at first, but it doesn't have to be painful. Make sure that you use a lot of lube and take your time, and also try fingering or something else before you go right in for anal sex. It doesn't need to be a problem, Sexologist and Marriage and Family Therapist Dr. Kat Van Kirk told Cosmopolitan, "Most of these experiences have to do with not following the above instructions: go slow, graduate in size and use lube. Plus, there is a nice trick to get you relaxed. If you also stimulate your clitoris at the same time it can encourage the pleasure over pain response."
6. It's An Excuse To Buy Fun Toys
For men and women, there are about a million fun toys that revolve around anal play. Plugs, beads, prostate massagers— if you start incorporating anal stimulation there's a whole new range of toys to discover.
7. Women Who Have Anal Sex May Have More Orgasms
I know that sounds like something made up by men to get women to have anal sex, but there could be a connection. The Journal Of Sexual Medicine reported that in findings from the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior (NSSHB) 94 percent of women who had anal sex had an orgasm the last time they had sex, much higher than the average statistic. As Slate points out, it's hard to tell if this is because women who orgasm are more open to trying anal or if anal sex helps you reach orgasm, but it sounds like there may be a connection there worth testing out.
Want more of Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage? Check out our video on sex positions for small penises:
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