2014 Paris Haute Couture: Our Favorite Looks and the Practical Ways to Wear Them

Hoods were all over the Versace collection, and this black sequined version is just right for keeping the spring evening chill off your face while shielding your eyes for some coy flirtation. Wear this when you want to look dark, moody, and possibly murderous. Keep ‘em guessing.

This is your crazy, sexy cat lady ensemble. Shimmering floor length dress that hides every inch of skin below the neck in wonky, arts and crafts stripes; Grace Coddington hair not included.

Let’s face it, if your closet is stuffed to the gills with couture, you can probably afford to wrap a few of those pieces around you post-bath. The tufted chiffon on this strapless Dior makes it appear ultra-absorbent like a Bounty paper towel. And since it’s sheer, you won’t have to worry about slipping into something more comfortable once you’re dry!

If the Spring 2014 collections have taught us anything, it is that being almost-but-not-quite-naked is now the sexiest thing ever. For when you want to be feel naked, but not be naked, go sheer.

In the spirit of the Sochi Winter Olympics, Armani Privé gives us the barely-there cutout bodice. Wear this to your next ice skating lesson and we guarantee that no one will notice how many times you fall down. The chain metal hairnet is optional, but recommended.

There was a lot to love on the Valentino runway, but let’s start with this epic snake dress. It’s like the Bjork swan dress only way more warrior princess-y. For when you need to feel like Queen of the Amazon.

V&R’s entire collection was like a dream of zombie ballerinas. Wear any of their minimal, ribbon printed dresses for your next Black Swan moment. In such innocent shades of yellow and pink, your rivals will never see you coming.

Boss lady by day, boss lady by night. This leather houndstooth jumpsuit moves easily from the boardroom to the bedroom. Just add a riding crop.

The oversized sweater meets petticoat skirt is a singular look for the hipster who frequents Brooklyn loft parties. Urban on top, vintage below. Just add cork wedges, a PBR, and don’t leave home without that incredible ivy arm-piece. We can totally see Jessa from Girls in a grungier version of this outfit.

If you haven’t hosted a tea party since you were six, get on it! And wear this dress. The sweet little silhouette will impress all your friends, who are hopefully no longer stuffed animals but now living, breathing humans who will appreciate a good outfit.

It’s not a Versace runway without studs and hot pants. This ensemble has both, plus a hood to keep you warm on that frigid disco dance floor. That’s right, wear this to the next (probably first) ice disco you’ll be asked to attend. Long sleeves for warmth, short shorts for sex appeal!

You probably hate the word “ruching” as much as the next person, but you will not hate what this exquisitely ruched bodice will do to your assets. Nor will you hate how this dreamy concoction makes you feel a princess and the prom queen and Taylor Swift at an awards show all at once.

If you are a little girl who passed away during the Victorian era and would like to haunt your 2014 ancestors, might we suggest this frock? It’s so diaphanous that it might as well not be there, yet it makes a statement in it’s own way — just like you!

The Gatsby look didn’t hasn’t quite died, but this beaded dress is a little more Jordan Baker than Daisy Buchanan. For the professional golfer who still knows how to get down, speakeasy style.

Chanel was all about rollerblade safety this season, but this dress is for the girl who never wears a helmet. This punk rock feather dress is just asking for a leather jacket and Doc Martins to complete the look.

The circle skirt has never looked so modern as it does in leather embossed with houndstooth. Conservative silhouette with a twist. I think we know what kind of Secretary can pull this outfit off.