10 Reasons To Never Apologize For Being A Hot Mess

Having your proverbial shit together is overrated. in this writer's opinion, it’s those brave folks who embrace their reckless tendencies who really have it all figured out. So I've said it once, and I'll say it again: you should never apologize for being a hot mess. (In the words of my very wise coworker, it definitely beats being a cold mess, or dare I say, a lukewarm one.)

With their empowering attitude of "f*ck it" and reckless pursuit of fun, the so-called "hot messes" excel at what the supposed "adults" of the world can't do: loosen up. Existentially speaking, these people embrace the lack of control that us humans have over this creaky Tilt-a-Whirl ride we call life. Wearing your emotions proudly on your visible bra straps, you're basically a Buddha. (That, or a sexually promiscuous Christ figure.) Because of your gleeful candor, the world will inevitably persecute you. Polite society will cry, "Control yourself! Be a real person! You can't take a nap on that bench!"

To this, you must say, "You can take the expired student ID I've been using to get discounted movie tickets, but you can never take my freedom!" We've teamed up with Comedy Central's Idiotsitter to compile a list of reasons that you should never apologize for being a hot mess. Catch Idiotsitter Thursdays (TONIGHT) at 10:30 E.T. / 9:30 C.T.on Comedy Central or anytime on the CC app. 'Cause we all have an inner wreck.

1. Feminism, Guys!

Oh, the patriarchy would just LOVE for you to kowtow to their puritanical ideals of femininity. You know, the ones that say, "Women should be demure, silent, and devoid of bodily functions." Are you really gonna give them that satisfaction? NOPE! By speaking your mind at the highest volume possible, being a raw, sexually aggressive tigress, and acknowledging that yes, you DO indeed have to take a sh*t, you're shattering society's glass ceiling. Go you!

2. Messiness Is A Sign Of Creative Genius

News flash: according to science, disorder encourages creativity! In 2013, The Journal of Psychological Science published a University of Minnesota experiment finding that people in a disorderly room were more creative than those in a tidy one. In other words, you aren't a slob; your mental energy is just focused more abstract endeavors than doing the dishes.

3. Celebrities — They're Just Like You!

The annals of Hollywood are filled with sizzling, magnetic hot messes like yourself. Just think about it. The Liz Taylors, Marilyn Monroes, and Courtney Loves of history may be a little reckless, but they burn brighter than a thousand Olympic torches.

4. Your Makeup Is Always On Point Because You (Accidentally) Never Remove It

How do you keep your skin looking so supple and fresh? Well, you fall asleep every night with a full face of makeup because you're too lazy to remove it. You literally woke up like this.

5. Your Presence Makes Any Situation A Thousand Times More Interesting

Happy hour, karaoke, a trip to the DMV: these are all venues in which your humor, lust for life, and sometimes off-putting candor can transform into the best time ever. Because a story just always seems to follow you, messes have more fun. Don't be mad about it.

6. Food Never Goes To Waste In YOUR House

Know that super dainty kind of person who never entirely finishes her takeout leftovers? That's not you... instead, you're the noble soul who saves those sad leftovers from a life on the refrigerator shelf — without asking. Neglected noodles? Not on your watch.

7. Jealous Bitches Just Be Jeal'

Some people just don't know what to make of you. Others are actively threatened by the admirable way you approach your life: with reckless abandon. But as many a Bad Girls Club alum has said in some form another, haters make you famous.

8. Your Purse Is Basically A General Store & You're Always Prepared

Because you haven't cleaned out your purse since, well, ever, you just happen to have myriad useful goods on you at all times. If anyone needs a nail file, four lighters, chocolate, some Bed, Bath & Beyond coupons, or some mace, you're their girl.

9. Perpetual Tardiness Makes You Seem Super Chill

Your body clock naturally runs at about a 15- to 30-minute delay, so you don't know what it's like not to be late. While your friends are regularly annoyed by this, the upshot is that you rarely wait for other people. Plus, you almost totally unintentionally generate an air of "too cool to care about time."

10. Your Existence Makes The World A More Loving, Fun, and Fun-Loving Place

You may not respect personal space or emotional boundaries, but you're regularly telling people how you feel and how much you love them. Random coworkers, your barista, or your doctor might be disarmed by this seemingly misplaced affection. But thanks to you, the universe is a much sweeter, squishier, and more loving place.

This post is sponsored by Comedy Central's Idiotsitter, Thursdays at 10:30 E.T. / 9:30 C.T. on Comedy Central or anytime on the CC app.

Images: Comedy Central (7); Giphy (4)