What It Would Be Like If Cities Were Boyfriends

When dating in a major city, there are a few annoying quirks inherent to the populace that you will run in to time and again. These localized eccentricities are perfectly illustrated in the latest video from BuzzFeed that asks: what if cities were your boyfriends? The video explores cities ranging from pleasant Portland, to alternative Austin, as well as always-late L.A. and know-it-all New York. Sadly (or expectedly?), they are pretty much all jerks. Chicago comes out looking like the best option, but heaven help you if you put ketchup on your hot dog!

There have been quite a few articles written lately about dating types and trends on a city-by-city basis. Reviewing different online profiles can say a lot about the person you’re about to grab a casual coffee with, as well as the place they live. Thrillist has come out with a series of lists categorizing what makes the dating experience unique in cities like San Francisco, Montreal, and the cold streets of New York. BuzzFeed’s depictions are no kinder, but the video will have you laughing (till it makes you want to cry). But don't worry, you won't be deleting that Tinder/OkCupid/Match/CoffeeMeetsBagel account just yet! If you live in a major metropolitan area, new people are relocating all the time — and one of them has to be cute, right?

Here is what to expect when dating in a big city.

New York

New York has lots of ironic tattoos, wears all black, and won't leave the house without his hipster glasses (whether they're prescription or not). He's happy to talk about his super cool artist ex-girlfriend and will surely invite you back to his studio apartment which he shares with only seven other dudes!

Portland

The Portland man comes complete with rain slicker, awkward facial hair, and a complete knowledge of underground local bands. With Portland you can ride your matching Fixies off into the sunset.

Las Vegas

You can tell a Las Vegas man by the cut of his velvet blazer and penchant for jello shots. He is ready for anything the night might hold — especially if that includes a few sexy friends you guys have picked up along the way.

Miami

The Miami man wants to take you dancing... at his night club (or strip club). He is all too happy to show you pics of his car and his niece, both of whom he loves to death.

San Fransisco

The San Fran man is coding at the dinner table, and thinks asking what startup you work for is equivalent to foreplay. Whatever new piece of tech is hot at the mo, be it the Apple Watch, Google Glass, or hoverboard, they had one before it was released to the public.

See where you should date by watching the entire video here:

Images: YouTube