By now a majority of you are probably working your way through watching a bevy of Christmas movies that have become a longstanding part of your holiday tradition. These are films that you've grown to love throughout the years in an almost sacred type of way. And while I'm hesitant to squander any of the positive feelings you have for these iconic franchises, I feel almost obligated to bring up some very overlooked plot developments that takes place in Tim Allen's The Santa Clause . Because as much as I too both love and cherish this holiday classic, it's storyline is just downright terrifying when you stop and think about it, which is why I'm finally ready to make the bold decree that The Santa Clause is actually a horror movie.
That's right, my friends (or perhaps former friends, I should say?), I think that The Santa Clause qualifies to be apart of the slasher industry. Don't let that bright red suit and bowl fully of jelly appearance fool you, because when you look at the heart of this film and try to describe the story out loud to others, you'll realize just how right I really am about all this. And here's why...
1. Santa Gets Murdered
Let's start with the terrifying fact that Scott Calvin basically murdered Santa Claus before taking his place. Granted, I know that this was all done accidentally, but still. Someone just died and we're classifying it as a happy holiday movie? I don't think so!
2. Everyone Is Immediately OK With It
So now not only has Santa died, but absolutely nobody seems to care that it happened. Bernard and the elves continue to go about making toys and refusing to mourn for the previous Santa in any way. Not even Scott or Charlie, who saw the death firsthand, seem all that bothered by it. What kind of sick monsters are these people? Would they have reacted this way if Scott had died throughout the franchise? I know we're in the North Pole, but THAT is cold.
3. They Steal The Former Santa's Possessions
His clothes, his toys, his form of transportation — you name it, they took it. I've heard of finders keepers, but this feels kinda overboard. If I died and someone started immediately rifling through my stuff, you better believe I would come back and haunt them.
4. Scott Begins Aging Rapidly
So even if I were to get over the whole "killing Santa" thing, there's also the fact that Scott starts aging at a very fast rate. I'm talking his hair goes completely white almost overnight. And even when he tries to change his appearance back to what it was, it constantly morphs into the white hair and beard. I mean, he basically had to say goodbye to the rest of his youth forever. (Imagine going to bed looking like a 40-year-old and waking up looking like an 80-year-old. If that isn't a nightmare scenario, then I don't know what is.
5. He Magically Sprouts A Massive Beard
Kinda seems a little werewolf-like, amirite?
6. The Magic Santa Bag Could Be A Horcrux
Harry Potter fans know to take special notice when an inanimate object starts acting on its own accord. And he did just kinda kill Santa, so you never know.
7. Charlie's Love For Scott Seems Contingent Of Him Becoming Santa Claus
I know that Charlie is a kid and finding out that your dad is now Santa has to be exciting. However, he showed zero interest in hanging out with his Scott until he became everyone's Father Christmas. Then he was all about father-son bonding. Talk about horrifying family values, this film has it in spades.
That being said, I have always loved The Santa Clause and will continue to do so indefinitely. I'm simply pointing out that there are a few very noticeable scary flaws in this storyline that should've been addressed. Will it stop me from watching it? No. But it definitely makes me think twice about the lyrics "He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake." (Just saying!)
Images: Buena Vista Pictures; Giphy (7)
