13 Ways To Help Your Partner Last Longer In Bed

When your partner doesn't last long in bed, it can be a bummer for the both of you. Although there are benefits from finishing quickly, the premature ejaculator may feel embarrassed and, unfortunately, their partner is all too often left to console them and not get their own orgasm on.

Coming too soon seems to be more of a problem for men than women; in fact, premature ejaculation in men is listed in Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Health (DSM), but there’s no entry for women. With that in mind, I’m going to switch between gender neutral and male pronouns— but remember that it can happen to women and trans folks too.

First of all, one of the most common reasons for premature ejaculation seems to be age. If your partner is young or just new to sex with another person, they might be getting overstimulated or overexcited. The best cure for this one is — you guessed it! — time! Plenty of guys can harken back to a time when they came quickly and often, only to slow down with age.

But no matter how quickly your partner comes, make sure that they’re still taking care of your needs too. Intercourse is not the only kind of sex out there — and just because their penis isn’t hard anymore doesn’t mean their hands and tongue can't help you out. And in addition to making sure you come too, here are thirteen tips for helping him last longer.

1. Help Them Get Better At Other Kinds Of Sex

Intercourse isn’t the only kind of sex there is. If your partner is having trouble lasting during intercourse, try out oral, mutual masturbation, or even just making out. Doing things other than intercourse will not only make the whole process last longer but will also ensure that you’re super aroused too.

Just like when a guy has a trouble staying hard, obsessing over premature ejaculation creates a feedback loop that leads to them getting off to quickly. In order to help your partner relax and stop obsessing over it, let them know that, as much as you like it, you don’t need their penis to orgasm. Show them how to get you off in other ways and take the pressure of their erection.

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2. Ask Him To Watch You Masturbate First

This one is less about getting your partner to last longer and more about getting you to the point where you'll want to orgasm at the same time that they do. Ask your partner to watch you masturbate! If they really have trouble with overstimulation, make it a dom/sub game and tell them they can’t touch themselves until you say they can. They’ll love the show and you’ll get worked up closer to the point of orgasm so that when it’s time for penetration, you’re both ready to explode.

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3. Do It In Places And Times Where You Don’t Have To Rush

A lot of guys have their first orgasms in places where they have to rush in order to get off. (Think bedrooms at mom and dad’s house that don’t have locks or dorm rooms where roommates could walk in at any minute.) As a result, they may have worn a quick orgasm groove in their bodies. That can be a hard habit to fight, but setting up situations where you have lots of time and lots of privacy can help. Ask your roommate to leave the apartment for a few hours or rent a hotel room if you just can’t get privacy in your current living situation.

3. Recommend Some Relaxation Techniques

Stress affects the body and if it’s affecting his lower body, that could be messing with the sex you’re having and contributing to his premature ejaculation problem. Practicing relaxation techniques in other areas of his life could help in the bedroom too. Meditation and muscle relaxation techniques are good places to start.

4. Get Into Massage

Working a massage into your sex routine — for both of you — has multiple benefits. It will help your partner relax, get the sexy time touching started, and will extend the length of said sexy time. Also, it just feels great. Do you really need an excuse for more massages?

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5. Check Out Some Tantric Sex Methods

Tantric sex is known for long lasting sex sessions that may or may not include orgasm, so do some research and see if it’s a good fit for you and your partner. However, if tantric isn’t quite your bag, you can grab one element that will definitely help: edging. Edging is when you get close to orgasm but stop before actually orgasming. Let your parter take a little time to cool down, and then bring them back to the edge over and over again. It’s a great way to retrain the muscles controlling orgasm and is also something your partner can do on their own while masturbating.

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6. Have More Sex!

Seriously! Do it more! Like I said before, sometimes young people or those who are just new to sex get overstimulated and that contributes to coming quickly. As they get used to sex with another person, you may find that it's taking them longer to orgasm.

7. Have Orgasm-Free Sex

Just take it out of the equation. By focusing on sexual pleasure that isn’t orgasm-centric, you’re taking pressure off of your partner to last longer. This could help interrupt the feedback loop I mentioned above that contributes to stress, which contributes to coming too quickly. Make a commitment to a certain amount of time each time you hook up that you’ll mess around before either of you orgasms and you might discover that, after a while, they’re able to last even without the restrictions.

8. Encourage Them To Do Other Things During Intercourse

Your partner might be focusing totally on the sensation in their genitals when you’re having intercourse. Encourage them to do things other than thrust, like kiss you or touch your breasts or other parts of your body. Having to focus on other things will help distract your partner from the potentially overwhelming feelings in their penis and hopefully draw out the action a bit longer.

9. Focus On Breathing

Breathing techniques can also be a good way for your partner to get more centered in his body and less stressed about coming too soon.

10. Go Slow

Like, really, really slow. Like, as slow as you can and have it still feel good. Slowing down the action can help with that overstimulation and help your partner last longer. Also, consider adding lots of lube, to reduce friction.

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11. Try This Sex Position

Instead of moving his penis in and out of your body, try rubbing up on him while he’s inside of you instead. A great position for this is you on top. You can rub back and forth, which increases stimulation on your clit and provides a sensation that’s different from the thrusting that most often leads to ejaculation. Combine this with moving slowly and you’ve got a sexy move that’s great for both of you! And, there are plenty more sex positions that can help him last longer.

12. Encourage Frequent Masturbation

Tell your partner to masturbate as much and as often as possible! The more he's ejaculating, the more used to sexual contact he’ll be. Also, guys often find it difficult to have multiple orgasms, so if he gets off before you have sex, he’s more likely to last longer when things get hot and heavy.

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13. Do It In Places And Times Where You Don’t Have To Rush

A lot of guys have their first orgasms in places where they have to rush in order to get off. (Think bedrooms at mom and dad’s house that don’t have locks or dorm rooms where roommates could walk in at any minute.) As a result, they may have worn a quick orgasm groove in their bodies. That can be a hard habit to fight, but setting up situations where you have lots of time and lots of privacy can help. Ask your roommate to leave the apartment for a few hours or rent a hotel room if you just can’t get privacy in your current living situation.

Want more of Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage? Check out our video on sex positions to help him last longer:

Images: Giphy; Michelle B./Flickr