'I'll Be Home For Christmas' Is A Crazy Film

When it comes to your collective memories of I’ll Be Home For Christmas , they probably consider of up to two things. First, it stars your ultimate Teen Beat ‘90s crush Jonathan Taylor Thomas (swoon). Second, it’s about a wise-cracking college student who (spoiler alert) is trying to get home for Christmas. Everything else is sort of a blur, you know? But, let me tell you, I’ll Be Home For Christmas is so much wackier than we give it credit for. In fact, if you re-watch the film, then you'll probably end up laughing even more than you did the first time you say it.

Again, the plot pulls no punches: it’s about how JTT gets stranded in the desert and is forced to find his way home for Christmas. If he does that by 6 p.m. Christmas Eve, he gets a shiny red Porsche. The allure of bribery is such a fun message to send to kids during the holidays. Within this journey, though, there’s some pretty outstanding moments of weirdness with a capital “W,” not to mention more than a few hints that this is, you know, 1998. Like, glaringly, hilariously 1998.

But I won’t keep you. Scroll down to relive all of the yuletide strangeness that comes from this beloved retro flick, I’ll Be Home For Christmas.

1. Are Lockers In College A Thing?

I didn't know whether this was high school or college because of the lockers and the literal child that pops out of one. Eventually, it's revealed that, yeah, it's a university, but I don't remember there being a lot of lockers at my college. It's not impossible; just weird.

2. "Get On The 'Net. Change That Ticket My Dad Got Me."

"The net," my god. I like that they let viewers know it's 1998 early in the film.

3. My Friends And I Also Like To Walk To Class Wearing Pore Strips

Female bonding at its finest.

4. Young Jessica Biel Is In This Movie

And she went from JTT to JT (Justin Timberlake), I think we've just crowned a new '90s queen.

5. "Egg Nog? My Mother Makes This From Scratch."

What? Is that a thing people do?

6. This Guy Is So Desperate For His Son To Come To Christmas That He Promises Him A Luxury Car

Insert sadfaces here.

7. Meanwhile, Biel Saddles Up With The Worst Guy In University For A Several Day Ride

I know that it seems like JTT bailed on her, and she's desperate, but the movie continuously shows that there are several available tickets (and ways to get home) for Christmas.

8. Oh, You Know, Just Raining In The Desert, Like It Always Does

I'm not a meteorologist or anything, so maybe this is a thing that actually happens. I'm just used to hearing that deserts are exceptionally dry.

9. Our Boy's Hitting A Low Point Early On By Talking To The Plastic Santa

Keep it together, dude.

10. Is This How You Burger?

I feel like it is not how you burger.

11. JTT's Companion's Way Of Acting Like An Elf Is By Saying, "I'm An Elf!"

You nailed it, Snowpuff.

12. I Just Hope These Sick Children Enjoy All The Stolen Toasters

They're really making the season bright, you know?

13. The Cow Ears, Though

That is a really dignified waitress uniform, I have to say.

14. This Sound Of Music Romance Dungeon

Also affectionately referred to as, "The Honeymoon Suite."

15. But Really, What Kind Of Lipstick Is Biel Wearing Here?

Is it skin colored? Did she buy herself a tube of Wet N' Wild's "Literal Skin" shade? Her companion is appalled.

16. All Of A Sudden JTT And His Mortal Enemy Are Total Bros

As one does.

17. Oh Wait, JK, He Leaves Him On The Side Of The Road

"Sorry, man, I just can't do that much good stuff for another person." Wow, the Christmas spirit just lives through this one.

18. Basically Santacon

I was very lucky to be out of town for that this year.

19. Hey, I Had That Gameboy Color, Too

This movie is just so relatable.

20. The Fact That You Could Once Check Into A Flight Leaving In 20 Minutes

Ha. Haha. Ha.

21. That Fact That You Could Once Stowaway With A Dog Named Ringo

Double ha.

22. Someone Dressed As A White Walking Christmas Tree

Did I miss that Christmas special?

23. There Are A Lot Of Inexplicable Browns In Her Wardrobe

And I get that it's the late '90s, I'm sympathetic to that fact, but I sincerely can't justify this color palette.

24. JTT Decides That He Doesn't Really Want The Porsche After All

An adorable lapse in Christmas logic considering he just travelled, battered and beaten, 3000 miles for it.

If it hasn't stirred you already, make sure to take a peak over to Netflix to really get a sense of aaaaall this Christmas magic.

Images: Walt Disney Pictures (25)