Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I pop in my well-worn DVD of Love Actually . The Richard Curtis ensemble comedy is #1 on my holiday must-list, and no amount of viewings is too many viewings. Every time I see it, a different thread in its interlocking collection of storylines becomes my of-the-moment favorite, whether it’s the Prime Minister finding love and a spine, Daniel guiding his step-son through grief and his first major crush, or Billy Mack treading all over Blue to rule on top of the Christmas charts. Love Actually is so many things at once, which is why I adore it. But one thing that the movie is not is realistic. It’s a fantasy, with elements that are both implicitly and overtly otherworldly. (You’ve all heard that Rowan Atkinson’s character is low-key a guardian angel, right?) To love Love Actually , one must look over more than a few plot holes. And every year around this time, I happily do.
Who needs realism anyway? I certainly don’t, at least not anywhere near my ultimate comfort movie. But to prove that I know a British Christmas paradise from real, adult life, I present the 13 most implausible moments from Love Actually.
1. That Billy Mack Doesn't Have A PR Team To Keep Him In Check
Billy Mack gets away with a lot during his "Christmas Is All Around" press tour, since somehow he and his manager have avoided the micro-management of the record company publicity team that any artist of his level has to have.
2. That Peter & Juliet Didn't Wonder Why A Bunch Of Strangers Were At Their Wedding
The musicians Mark hired were mostly hiding in plain sight in the church. So why didn't the bride and groom question why there were so many faces they didn't recognize? And 1/3 more guests than were invited?
3. That Anyone Would Possibly Cheat On Colin Firth
Un-bloody-fathomable.
4. That The Prime Minister's Bedroom Radio Can Be Heard All Over The House
The PM takes his victory dance all over 10 Downing Street, but the Pointer Sisters are only playing in one room. Guess the music was in his soul all along.
5. That Joanna Can Sing & Take An International Flight In The Same Night & Not Be Nervous About It
That's a tight little schedule Joanna's family planned out for the night of the school concert. But obviously, she's a pro.
6. That This Sweater Would Be Warm Enough For A London Winter
He was freaking out, yes. But it would have only amounted to three more seconds of crushing embarrassment if Mark had decided to grab a coat.
7. That Any Retail Employee Would Have This Much Time To Wrap A Gift
The original plan for this character included being very upfront about the fact that he's an actual angel sent to stop Harry from being a really terrible husband. That's the only explanation for anyone in sales who isn't ripping his hair out come the week before Christmas.
8. That Sarah's Brother's Facility Would Give Him Phone Access In All Hours Of The Night
He's in treatment, and likely wouldn't be able to call out indiscriminately, especially late at night. Karl and Sarah should have been able to get it on in peace. And Sarah would have still been an all-star sister.
9. That Billy Bob Thornton Has Never Actually Been Our President
That casting is perfect, and terrifying.
10. That Karl Hasn't Made A Move Yet
Come on, Karl.
11. That Colin Isn't Slapped Once In The Course Of This Movie
Or is it that the Americans are too enamored by Brits and the Brits are just too polite?
12. That Peter Thinks Carol Singers Sound Like A Static-y Cassette Tape
And that's only the most preposterous thing about this scene.
13. That The Prime Minister Wouldn't Be Able To Look Up The Address Of A Former Government Employee
"Ruthless, trained killers are just a phone call away" and yet, he has to knock on every door on Harris street to find his ex-assistant.
Good thing I love Love Actually, because it doesn't look anything like real life.
Images: Giphy (13)
