I hate to break it to you, but nobody is born a perfect dater. What’s more awkward than two people getting together who don’t really know each other and have to make conversation for a couple hours? Exactly. While some shine in this type of situation, others get those squeamish feelings inside their stomach right before their date and just can't shake the feeling. Even if you consider yourself a great date, you’ve probably still had a couple duds here and there. Furthermore, it all depends on who’s sitting right in front of you.
Being a relationship expert and matchmaker with experience in couples therapy and a degree in counseling psychology, I know what can make or break a date. Some people don’t pick up on the first date signs that the other person is desperately trying to give off. It’s not so easy to tell your date, “Hey, you know what? I’m really not feeling a connection here.” Although, I do suggest we all be a little bit more transparent about how we feel and put “ghosting” to rest, there are ways to analyze your own dates to see if you need to step it up. You don’t just want to be in neutral while you’re making a first impression — put that gear into full speed and get your date on.
Here are seven signs you need to be putting a better foot forward when looking for love.
1. Your Dates Never Make Follow-Up Plans & You Never Try To Make Them Either
Not every date you go on will end up with a second date. Sometimes two people are just not a match. However, if you keep going on dates and are never seeing a second one happen, that’s a sign. First, I suggest being the person to suggest follow-up plans (if you indeed want to see him or her again). Maybe he or she needs you to be the instigator. Don't just wait for it to happen. If after you put yourself out there and you don’t a similar return, it’s time to check your dating game.
2. There’s More Silence Than There Is Talking
A date is all about the conversation. You have to get the conversation going in order to get to know each other. Some of the best dates I’ve ever been on are the ones where we couldn’t stop talking. The check came and we totally forgot about it because we were immersed in a good chat. If you find yourself having a lot of uncomfortable silences, that’s a red flag. Silence speaks volumes and it’s saying you need to start speaking up.
3. You Can't Remember Which Date Said What
Being a good dater means being a good listener. The person in front of you is telling you all about himself/herself. If you can’t remember what he or she said after the night and/or you’re getting them mixed up with your date last week, this is never a good thing. Either you don't find your dates very interesting, or you're not paying attention to who you're out with. Try to focus on each individual person and what they bring to the table or analyzing what kind of people you're dating and why they don't seem to hold your attention.
4. You Leave As Soon As The Check Gets To The Table
A good date is when you order dessert even when you both are stuffed, just because you want more time with each other. A bad date is when your date asks for the check before you’ve even finished your meal. Try picking up on these little cues. The more your date is into you, the more he or she will try anything to soak up more time. One more drink? Heading to a bar? Ordering two extra desserts? And coffee to wrap things up? All good things.
5. You Use The Same Lines For Everyone
If you’re looking to even get a first date, you need to know how to talk to someone. If you are using the same exact line to get to know a person, you aren’t being genuine. People can smell authenticity or lack thereof. So be yourself instead of feeding someone the same lines again and again. It'll work out better in the long-run, even if it seems a little uncomfortable at first.
6. You’re Bored
I’ve got news for you, if you’re bored on a date, so is the other person. Either you two aren’t going to be a perfect pair, or you both aren’t putting in any dating effort. If you’re finding yourself more bored on dates than not, it might be time to recharge your dating life.
7. You’re Talking Non-Stop
If you walk away from a date and realize you don’t know anything about the other person at all, maybe you spent a little too much time talking about yourself. When you tell your date about yourself, you should be asking a question in return as well. Your date isn’t your therapist or your BFF to listen to you complain for two hours. The whole idea of a date is to get to know each other, so make sure the conversation is balanced.
Act interested in what he or she has to offer and you might find yourself happily surprised.
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