This 'Hateful Eight' News Is Great

I’m sure you’re spending this month brainstorming all the ways you can get through the holidays as quickly and painlessly as possible so that you can get to the one holiday that everyone actually loves: New Year’s Eve. I tend to funnel all of my creative effort into planning for that night, which helps to get through the stress of family and going over my credit limit and traveling for hours the week before for Christmas. Still, what I never really plan for is the day after New Year’s. So when I heard that The Hateful Eight was being released on New Year's Day, a week earlier than anticipated, I thought about that day, how it always ends up being a wash anyway involving sleeping in and getting the greasiest food possible in my body, and thought that this might be the year to do things a little differently. I thought back to what I did last and remembered slinking off to the movie theater in the late afternoon and having it be the best part of my day. So let me just say it once and for all: A movie theater is literally the best place to spend the day after New Year’s Eve.

Probably the last thing you want to do after partying until dawn is doing anything but lay in bed and not move, but hear me out on this one. Because I promise you it was the absolute best way to spend New Year’s Day for a ton of reasons that you may or may not have ever realized.

1. It's The Hateful Eight

I mean, this is the obvious reason, right? There is nothing that I’d rather do on a day that is meant solely for recovering than watch this movie.

2. Get Ahead Of The Oscar Buzz

The other thing about spending the day at the theater and watching a movie is that you’ll be way ahead of the average Joe when it comes to Oscar buzz. So when your officemates ask you whether you’ve seen The Hateful Eight yet, you’ll be able to look like the culture maven you always wish you could be.

3. The Salty Snacks

Sure, you’re probably super dehydrated from all that… dancing… the night before, but popcorn and soft pretzels are also perfect for soaking it all up. And getting it out of your system once and for all.

4. Endless Liquids

I’m talking fluids here, people, because when you wake up feeling like your mouth is as dry as the Serengeti, you’re going to need to find a place with a constant supply of ice and fluids.

5. Very Little Light

Haven’t you always wanted to spend your New Year’s Day lying on a soft surface in a windowless room with carpet on the walls? Guess what? That hangover heaven exists, and it’s your local movie theater.

6. There’s No Need To Carry On A Conversation

In fact, you’re expected not to. Which is a good thing for that headache you’ll be rocking until at least three o’clock in the afternoon.

7. There Are Puke Buckets At The Ready

Sorry to get graphic, but we all need to be realistic here: This might be necessary. Those jumbo sodas and plastic popcorn buckets make the perfect solution for when you can’t make it to the bathroom in time.

8. You’ll Avoid The Gym Rush

Because New Year’s Day resolutions really start on Jan. 2. Everybody knows that.

9. You Don’t Have To Move

At all. Sit in the front row, smack dab in the middle so that no one ever needs to get by, and refuse to do anything other than relax for the next two hours.

Trust me on this one: You’re going to want to spend New Year’s Day at the movies. So buy your tickets ahead of time. Find a theater that doesn’t require much time in the car. And enjoy the perfect place to get over your New Year’s Eve hangover.

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