Here's Why Michelle Won't Be In 'Fuller House'

I know, I know, the heart of your inner '90s kid is still broken over the fact that Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen won't appear on Netflix's Fuller House . With one less (two less?) Tanner in the building, the household will without question feel just a bit emptier. But if it soothes you at all, we finally have an explanation about why Michelle won't be in Fuller House : and that explanation is that she more or less became an Olsen triplet.

According to US Weekly, it'll be mentioned that Michelle is off living in New York and building a "fashion empire." Sound familiar? It should, because that's basically what the real life Olsens are up to right now, manning the helm of lines like Elizabeth and James and The Row, respectively. Cute. But realistic? Not that Full House was a show based in realism or anything, but the Olsens have been able to pull off building a "fashion empire" because they've been working since the days of diapers. Are we really supposed to believe that Michelle, the ill-dressed third child of a huge extended family, had the funds and intellectual genius to pull this off?

I'm just gonna throw out these other potential explanations as to why Michelle wouldn't be able to join her sisters in this new, fuller house. In a world where she can build a fashion empire, they seem just as likely to me.

1. There Was No Food At DJ's Last Time She Visited

Yo, never again.

2. Stephanie Once Suggested That Her Macaroni Paintings Were "A Bit Underwhelming" And She Ran Away In A Huff

That was 19 years ago. Haven't heard from her since.

3. She's In L.A. Taking Acting Lessons, And She Swears It's The Make Or Break Of Her Career

Meanwhile Derek Boyd picked up another Tony last year and is doing a hell of a job in Jersey Boys.

4. She's Really Trying To Make Her Relationship With Macaulay Culkin Work

And I'm sure that The Pizza Underground is gonna take off any day now.

5. She Is In Hiding Because She Still Hasn't Gotten Over The Death Of Papouli

Even Jesse's been texting her like, "Michelle, Munchkin, he was really special to all of us, but that was 20 years ago and you met him twice."

6. She's In Bangladesh Trying To Find Herself

You know, you reach 13, and you start questioning if your life is just an incessant cycle of meaningless catch phrases.

7. Actually They're Not Even Sure, She Only Communicates With Them In Emojis Now

Although they're pretty sure that three thumbs up signs translate to, "You got it, dude."

8. She Fell Off Another Horse

I'm just saying, it would make sense as an explanation.

9. She Just Wants To Live Somewhere Without Eight Other People All Up In Her Business

At the end of the day, I don't think Michelle really needs an elaborate explanation as to why she wouldn't be at the Fuller House. If I had done the Full House thing from infancy through adolescence, I think I'd be OK for some alone time in lieu of an indefinite baby-sitting stint for my older sister.

Funny as it may seem, maybe moving across the country to New York is the only way Michelle can finally get the space she deserves, and build that fashion empire we didn't know she was dreaming of.

Images: Warner Bros. Television; Giphy (11)