Dating red flags are a perpetual topic of interest, and with good reason: Recognizing the warning signs of whether your date will be a problematic partner — or worse, an abusive one — can be literally life-saving. Sometimes, though, commonly-cited relationship red flags may not be deal breakers necessarily; indeed, what one person considers a red flag may be perfectly acceptable to someone else. That's what a thread posted to the AskReddit forum yesterday tackles. Titled “Successfully married people of Reddit, what were some 'red flags' you have ignored but had no impact on your relationship?”, it's full of real-life stories of love and romance that prove one of the most valuable dating lessons of all: Romance can be really weird.
This isn't to say that actual red flags don't exist. They do, of course, and if someone's behavior ever makes you nervous, trust your instincts and GTFO. The red flags brought up in this thread, though? They don't exist in a vacuum — whether it matters that your parents don't like your significant other depends largely on the kind of parents you have, for example, and what for one couple might be a disastrous first date might be exactly what another couple thinks makes their relationships special.
What I took away from the whole thread is this: Just because common knowledge states that one particular quality or behavior is a no-go doesn't mean that it necessarily will be for you. Your mileage may vary — and that's a very good thing.
Check out nine red flags that may not be deal breakers below, and head on over to AskReddit for more.
1. Unusual Hobbies
Some unusual hobbies definitely are red flags — like, for example, being a nasty troll on the Internet in your spare time. Some, though? They might be a little odd, but they're mostly harmless. I would argue that a collection of creepy clown figures would be more of a red flag than a collection of elephant ones…
...but apparently it isn't.
2. Parental Disapproval
If your parents typically have good judgment and genuinely care about your health and safety, it might be worth considering whether or not they like your partner — but parents, like everyone else, aren't perfect, and they don't always know what's best for you (especially once you're a grownass adult). This is particularly true for toxic parents. Depending on the people involved, parental disapproval might say more about your parents than about you or your partner.
3. One-Time Mistakes
I thought about making the heading for this one “Lying,” but to be honest, the point here isn't the lie itself — it's the fact that the person in question miscalculated how to handle a difficult and kind of embarrassing situation. We've all been there; it's only a problem if the behavior is a pattern.
4. Sex (Or Lack Thereof)
This one is obviously going to change based on how important sex is to you in your relationship; for some people, whether or not the sex is mindblowing is a deal breaker, while for others, it isn't. If you fall into the latter category, it's less of a red flag that it would be for someone in the former.
5. Jealousy
There's a common thread throughout all of these warning signs: How people deal with them. The same thing goes for this one — it's one thing to have issues with jealousy, but if you know it's a problem for you and you actively try to improve upon it, then it's not nearly as much of a red flag as you might think. And if both partners are willing to work together on their communication skills in order to help surmount the problem? Well, then you've got the groundwork laid for a solid relationship.
6. Grossness
Not going to lie: I'm a little bit curious about what exactly caused each of these incidents… but then again, maybe some things are better left unanswered. In any event, though, being comfortable with each other when you're at your most disgusting is actually a pretty good sign that you and your partner are in a good spot.
7. Differing Religious Views
As is the case with whether or not the sex is good, whether or not you hold the same religious views (or political views, or any other sort of view) is one of those “your mileage may vary” issues. The point here is that even if something is commonly believed to be a red flag, whether or not it is will always be unique to the individual people involved. If it works for you and your partner(s), then two thumbs up!
8. Reading Habits
I think one of the key things to bear in mind here is that “reading” these days doesn't have to just mean “reading books.” People who don't read books or print periodicals are often looked down on, but the Internet is full of incredible reads — from longform pieces of amazing journalism to stunning works of fiction. Me? I'm a big reader, and I do most of it via books or e-books. My partner, meanwhile, is pretty particular about the kinds of books he reads and subsequently doesn't read a whole lot of them — but he's constantly sending me links to fascinating articles he's found online. So: Just because someone doesn't read books in the traditional sense doesn't mean that they don't read, period.
9. Being a Late Bloomer
Everyone is deserving of love, no matter how much dating experience they do or don't have.
