Entertainment

Rob Pattinson Moves On with Kristen Stewart Clone

by Dale Neuringer

Wow, talk about having a type. Looking at a picture of Rob Pattinson's latest rumored squeeze, Riley Keough, otherwise known as Elvis' granddaughter, I was certain I was looking at a picture of Kristen Stewart as a ginge. I mean, I know Pattinson is British but does he have to go for such dour-looking girls every damn time? Toto, we aren't in the land of clouds and rain anymore, you can date girls that know how to look happy.

Like.. .seriously. She looks miserable... and it's just her face.

Stephen Lovekin/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images

Kinda reminds you of a certain someone, right?

Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images

It's not that Riley isn't pretty — in fact, she's gorgeous. It's that, much like Kristen Stewart, she has a habit of wearing her best bitchface every time a camera faces her way.

Does Pattinson find unhappy looking women attractive? Is that, like, a thing now? I mean, I'm not a straight man, and I'm definitely not Pattinson (thank God) but I thought having a nice smile would be more of a turn-on than a rather pinched-looking semi-duck face. No?

Maybe I'm just not cool enough to know that frowning and pouting is the new sexy. In the meantime, though, you can find me at the bar making faces that look like this...

...and hoping someone will still think I'm sexy. If it ain't gonna be Pattinson, then oh well. Win some, lose some, I guess.