5 BDSM Tips and Tricks from a True Expert

I am known as Red Phoenix by my many devoted followers of the BDSM novels, Brie Learns the Art of Submission and Brie Embraces the Heart of Submission. I’m a happily married woman who became part of the BDSM lifestyle two and a half years ago.

My husband and I were your typical married couple with three kids, dual incomes and a sex life that had trailed off to a sad whimper. I’d come to accept it, since all of my friends seemed to be suffering a similar fate.

Deep in my heart, I knew it wasn’t okay — this wasn’t what I wanted for us.

With a little trepidation I agreed to a few of my husband’s simple requests, and a whole new world of adventure opened up as we began exploring BDSM in the safety of our bedroom. It has been a journey of self-discovery and pure joy for me. In the process, because of the level of communication and trust involved, we have also grown stronger as a couple. I not only love my husband, I am in love and lust for him now.

That was the reason I decided to write the Brie series. I wanted to share with other women some of our experiences in a fictional setting – The Submissive Training Center. Based on the testimonials I receive on a daily basis, couples are finding inspiration whether they live the lifestyle or not.

The simple fact is no matter how old we are or how long we’ve been in a relationship, we all deserve an active and healthy sex life. For some couples, it turns out BDSM can provide that extra spice they’ve been looking for.

February 14th is the designated date for pleasing and delighting your valentine. Flowers, romantic candlelight, and candy are the standard fare, but I suggest surprising your partner with a little kink this year. Here are five inexpensive items you can integrate into your sex routine that will make this a Valentine’s Day you and your bedmate will never forget.

1. Lace

A simple strip of lace can turn your night into an erotic adventure. With your partner’s permission, tie it securely over his/her eyes. Now your lover will be focused on touch, sound, and taste. Use the mystery of it to your advantage — whisper to him or her as you tempt and tease with your hands, and surprise your partner with different taste sensations using strawberries, chocolate, or something savory.

2. Flowers

Still want to buy flowers? Purchase a single rose with the thorns removed. Present it in a vase and tell you partner you are going to use it later that evening. This romantic tool can be used to lightly stimulate the skin. Let your partner take in the fragrant aroma before teasing him/her with it. Use it like a feather to tickle and caress the skin. When you are done you can crush the flower and sprinkle the petals over your partner’s body before you move on to your next surprise.

3. Tea Lights

Enjoy the allure of romantic tealights and use them for extra stimulation. While you let the candles burn, caress your partner in massage oil. Then slowly dribble the warm wax on different parts of his/her skin. The oil massage not only helps to relax your partner, but makes the cooled wax easier to remove afterwards. For added fun, you can introduce ice cubes for a little “fire and ice” play. Note: It’s important to use unscented/uncolored tealights, as they burn at a low temperature. Do a quick test of the melted wax before you use it on your partner.

4. Silk Scarf

Want to experiment with light bondage? Handcuffs (even fuzzy ones) can be a little rough on the wrists, but a sexy silk scarf elegantly binds your partner in comfort. Even simple binding requires a level of trust, one that can be intoxicating for both partners. If you both find it exhilarating, experiment by binding your lover in different positions and see where creativity takes you.

5. Dice

Want to experience a little Dominance/submission? Play this fun little dice game. All that is required is a set of red and white die and two willing partners. As the Dominant, you roll the dice and sit back to receive, while your partner plays the submissive and performs whatever the dice indicate. Naturally, you can modify the actions and locations to meet your individual desires or even switch roles if you prefer.

Red Dice/Action:

1: Kiss

2: Nibble/Bite

3: Caress

4: Lick/Suck

5: Tickle

6: Stimulate (Sub's choice)

White Dice/Body Part:

1: Lips/Face

2: Neck

3: Chest

4: Between the legs

5: Back

6: Sensitive area (Dom's choice)

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