Yes, yes, the 1990s were great and wonderful and unique, but you know what I miss most of all about the decade? Those idiosyncratic friends everybody had in the '90s. You know what I mean, right? Like, if you asked kids today, they would not be able to immediately identify the friend who is always, always Posh Spice when they and their friends play Spice Girls. They would not be able to name the kid who is obsessed with Beanie Babies. They are probably all better with technology at the age of 8 than I am at the age 24.
Do you know which friend you were, back in the day? Were you Angela, or were you Rayanne — or were you Ricky? Were you Arnold, or were you Helga? Doug or Skeeter? I think I was probably like a dash of Helga, a dash of Lil, and a sprinkle of Rayanne. I honestly couldn't even tell you what the equivalents are for today's rambunctious youths. Is One Direction still a thing?
Kids of the '90s — we're old, is what I'm saying. But that's OK! Because we have our memories! And all those weird, blown-out photos from disposable cameras! And an intensely bizarre stockpile of GIFs to describe our childhoods! We're going to be OK, fellow oldies. Unless you're still the kid obsessed with Beanie Babies — then maybe we have a problem (although I hear you can score bank for those on eBay these days).
1. The One Who Was 4ever the Pog Champion
OK, admittedly, I did not know what this was until about 30 minutes ago. My roommate actually suggested that I include Pogs, because "Pogs were everything." It is a game that involves little discs that you stack, and then you slam one down, and then there's "playing for keeps," and the friend who was the 4ever Pog Champ was the one who played for keeps? IDK, dude. Maybe you get this one bette than I do, but apparently it was a thing.
2. The One Who Was Always Trying to Catch 'Em All
Who had a binder of full of laminated sheets filled with Pokemon cards. Who was always extolling the virtues and powers of all the evolved Pokemon they had in their wheelhouse. Probably dressed as Pikachu for at least one Halloween. Was nice, but also made punching sounds with their mouth while playing with their Pokemon cards.
3. The One Set on Marrying Jonathan Taylor Thomas
This one had 20 magazine photos meticulously cut out and pasted inside their locker. They probably owned a homework folder with JTT's face on it, accompanied by a whole lot of hearts and stars. They likely applied Lip Smackers before class in their locker mirror that also had JTT's face in the corner. I mean, there's a reason why an entire generation of children found a cartoon lion cub attractive.
4. The One You Played Mario Kart With
This friend had "cool" parents who allowed your bud to eat on the couch and play video games before finishing homework. You were always asking why your parents could not be more cool, like your Mario Kart friend's parents.
5. The One Obsessed with Beanie Babies
In third grade, during recess, we actually had a Beanie Baby wedding. We made invitations and everything, so I understand how an obsession with these can get a little, um, out of hand. But this friend was constantly bragging about the new Limited Edition Peace Sign Beanie Baby Bear or something. They probably had those little tag protectors on each Beanie Baby tag. They were probably always accusing you of having chocolate on your hands.
6. The One Who Always Wanted to Be Posh Spice
And everyone knows that whoever was Posh Spice when playing Spice Girls was the most popular one. So...
7. The One Whose Door You Knocked On First When You Wanted to play
Cue the wistful sniffling! Remember when we didn't have cellphones or laptops or iPads, and we just played outside for hours? Remember when the only way to see if your friend wanted to play Power Rangers was to knock on their door and ask their mom? This was the first friend you always wanted to ask. Because they were your favorite. And you were theirs.
Images: m01229, Dominique Godbout/Flickr; Giphy (5)
