From my experience, first dates can go one of two ways: Fantastically from start to finish or the entire event can be somewhat traumatic. That's why it's great to know some things to never say on a first date because that way you can ensure that if it doesn't go swimmingly, it won't be down to what you said. At the end of a first date you want to feel excited, happy, and be looking forward to the next time you might see your date as soon as you leave their presence. It's magic when your date feels the same way.
However, there are times when it just doesn't work out. This could be down to many reasons, from not having any chemistry with your date, to a really bad setting where you can't fully relax, or feeling super nervous and unable to let loose and show your date the real you. Occasionally you may have experienced a moment where you have been completely misunderstood by your date; just by saying something in a particular manner or accidentally word-vomiting something completely inappropriate and regretting it as soon as it has left your lips.
So in an attempt to make your first date easier and a little less nerve-wracking, here are a selection of things you should avoid saying on a first date.
1. “Sorry I’m late.”
Being late to meet someone is rude and makes a bad first impression. If you are someone who struggles with time-keeping – I must admit I am working on this myself – try to view your date in the same way you would a job interview. You wouldn't keep prospective employers waiting and nor should you keep anyone else waiting. Sometimes unavoidable things occur that might slow you down, so if you are going to be late, call your date and explain what has happened. If you call ahead, you will make your date feel more valued than if you leave them hanging and they won't think you stood them up. You wouldn't want someone to waste your time, right?
2. “I’m super stressed out because of X, Y, or Z.”
First impressions are important. You may be feeling really stressed after a hard day at the office, an argument with a loved one, or money worries, but at this stage in the relationship your date doesn't need to know all of your woes. That doesn't really help him or her get to know you in the end, either. Dates are meant to be fun, so use your first date to take your mind off of anything that's bothering you and combat your negative thoughts. On the other hand, if you really are having a hard time, call your date and ask if they wouldn't mind rearranging for a time when you feel more relaxed and you can fully enjoy the date.
3. “How much do you make?”
Talking about money on the first date is a definite no-no and would probably come under the rules of first date etiquette. In what other circumstance would you openly ask someone you've just met how much they earn? Probably none. In fact, it's considered rude to ask anyone how much money they make, so unless it's a life or death situation (it probably isn't), wait until your date divulges this kind of personal information to you, otherwise you might offend them. Also, would you want someone asking you this question? Probably not.
4. “You look just like my ex.”
Bringing up your ex in any way is probably one of the worst first date moves. Even if it's a compliment, for instance you suggest to your date that you find them attractive by telling them that they look like your ex, this is not what your date wants to hear. The fact that your ex is still in your thoughts may well start alarm bells ringing in your date's head. I once went on a first date when I wasn't over my ex and it was definitely a mistake. I brought up my ex in conversation and then my date brought up his ex too! Needless to say, we only ever had the one date.
5. “I’m going through a bit of a dry spell.”
This one is tricky because, while it's great to be honest with your date, you could also be portraying the idea that sex is the number one thing on your mind and/or that you don't see a future with them beyond spending the night together. To avoid any confusion, ensure that if you do talk about sex, it is when you are asking for their consent and/or giving your own.
6. “What time is it?”
When you ask your date the time, they may jump to the conclusion that you are not having a good time and that you can't wait to leave their presence. If you have an appointment scheduled soon after your date, make sure to lay the groundwork before your date, so that if you are caught checking your watch or asking your date for the time, they understand it's definitely not because of them.
7. “Sorry, could you repeat that?”
Unless the venue where you're situated is excessively noisy, or you didn't quite catch what your date said, try to stray away from asking them to repeat what they've just said, as it could come across like you're not paying attention. Even if what they're saying is going over your head or isn't something which particularly interests you, make the effort to ask further questions about the subject to deepen your understanding and show that you're interested in what they have to say. Nobody wants to be sitting opposite an unenthusiastic and obviously bored date.
8. “What political party do you support?”
There are certain taboo subjects that should definitely not be discussed on a first date due to their seriousness or the debates which could follow due to clashing opinions. These topics include (but are not limited to:) Politics, religion, controversial current affairs, and finances. Keep your first date light-hearted, fun, and free from any sensitive subjects. Of course, if you are committed to only dating people of the same faith as you or the same political views, then this may be something to get out in the open before things get more serious, but in any case, be cautious if you want to avoid an awkward conflict or disagreement.
Be aware of these first date conversation tips on what not to say and your first date is sure to go swimmingly.
Images: ReddAngelo, CharlieFoster, LéaDubedout, SergeEsteve /Unsplash; Pexels (8)
