Life
6 Partner Sex Toys to Get Your Partner for Valentine's Day, Because (Kinky) Sharing Is (Kinky) Caring
Look. I am not trying to make anyone feel inadequate here. I am sure that you are great in bed, and I am sure that your current partner is great in bed. But unless either of you are battery-operated vibrators, the two of you alone are not as good as it gets. So until the robot revolution is complete, here's are six of of the most bed-rocking, spine-tingling partner sex toys on the market to add to your Valentine's wish list. Go get 'em, tiger.
Image: Bustle Stock Photo
Tantus Plunge Paddle Dildo
I don’t know about you guys, but my apartment? Is small. So I like a good multitasking sex product, like the Tantus Plunge ($45) paddle-cum-dildo (that’s right, slutty Latin time). It takes up less drawer space then a paddle AND a dildo would, and it’s dishwasher safe, for you Vanderbilts who actually own dishwashers. Tip: have the paddler give him/herself a cursory test-spank first — your butt’s too cute for welts.
SpareParts HardWear Sasha
It’s disturbingly easy to write like a heteronormative jerk when one’s beat is sex and relationships. (Just know that every time I write “your guy/girl,” I’m cringing — not just because it looks clunky, but because I know I’m excluding people who prefer not to identify as either.) One big mistake of mine? I’ve literally never recommended a harness or a strap-on. That changes now, because SpareParts HardWear’s Sasha harness ($150) is THE sexiest one I’ve ever seen. Pick your dildo of choice and get going.
Hot Octopuss Pulse
The Batman movies are my boyfriend’s favorite, so HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY, honey! I just got you this thing that can turn your dick into Batman!! Hot Octopuss’s Pulse ($99) is essentially a cock ring on steroids, and believe me when I say it’s fucking titillating for everyone involved. Plus, it doubles as a neck massager. Foreplay! Play! Post-play!
Jimmyjane Hello Touch
There’s sex, and then there’s steamy sci-fi REPLICANT sex. I, for one, am always looking to get my Bladerunner bone on (am I?) (sort of), and for that, I turn to Jimmyjane’s Hello Touch ($65). If you thought your partner’s touch made you shiver before, wait till you feel their vibrator-padded fingers on your body, headed to exactly the right spot.
California Exotic Novelties Playful Lovers Ensemble
Look, I’m no idiot. I know you will all cheerfully beat me to death if I don’t include at least one sex toy that costs significantly less than Broadway tickets/your monthly car payment/three weeks’ worth of Seamless. So here’s a couple’s toy as cost-effective as it is stimulating: the Playful Lovers Ensemble ($13), which is a terribly named but terrific vibrator/anal bead kit. The vibrator’s no jackhammer or anything, but it’s the light touch that the, uh, bead-receiving area (THERE ARE NO GOOD EUPHEMISMS) demands.