Which Of The 'Dance Moms' Attacked Abby?

Uh oh. It looks like we've got some Aggro-Dance Moms on our hands. According to TMZ, Dance Moms' Kelly Hyland was arrested in New York back in Nov. 2013. The reason? Allegedly, the mom of two Abby Lee Dance Company members attacked Abby Lee Miller. I want to say I'm surprised, but those two have always been at each others' throats, figuratively-speaking. Even so, it really sucks that their deep-rooted rivalry reached this point. Here's what TMZ says happened: Miller was looking for new dancers (like Miller seems to do every season), and Hyland "freaked out" on her daughters' behalf. According to TMZ's sources, Hyland began "screaming" at Miller, and then she "allegedly grabbed [Miller]'s hair and it became a full-on cat fight." TMZ also notes that three cameras were present, so the altercation could very well end up on the upcoming season of Dance Moms.

I understand conflict is a key component of reality shows, but physically attacking each other? That's a step too far. Hey, Hyland? Just because you and Miller go way back (Hyland was an ALDC student when she was a kid) doesn't mean you can or should assault her. Eesh.

Perhaps it is time Miller and Hyland received a talking-to. Not from me. From Hyland's daughters, Brooke and Paige. Here's how that lecture might play out:

BROOKE AND PAIGE ASK KELLY AND ABBY TO MEET THEM AT THE DANCE STUDIO

BROOKE: Hello, Mom. Hello, Miss Abby.

KELLY & MISS ABBY: Hi.

BROOKE: We've asked you here today because your recent behavior was rather…

PAIGE: STUPID.

BROOKE: Yes. Paige is correct. Mom, I am disappointed that you attacked Miss Abby. That was stupid.

KELLY: I—

BROOKE: No excuses, Mom. Own up to your crap.

KELLY: Don't use that word!

BROOKE: Don't tell me what words I can and can't use. You assaulted Miss Abby, remember?

KELLY: (Sighs) Abby, I'm sorry. Girls, I'm sorry. I just was scared Abby was going to replace you or Paige! I'm sick of seeing you two end up at the bottom of the Pyramid.

PAIGE: Mom. Don't worry about us. Your fists of fury won't change anything. If we're at the bottom of the Pyramid, so be it. It's just dance. Life goes on.

ABBY: THAT BLASÉ, "IT'S JUST DANCE" ATTITUDE IS WHY YOU TWO ALWAYS END UP AT THE BOTTOM AND WHY YOUR SPOTS IN THE COMPANY WILL NEVER BE SECURE. MADDIE IS THE ONLY SAFE ONE BECAUSE MADDIE EAT, SLEEPS, AND BREATHES DANCE.

BROOKE: Oh, that reminds me! Hey, Miss Abby? Please stop pitting Maddie against everyone. Like, we get it. Maddie is a bomb dot com dancer. She'll always be at the top of the Pyramid. We've accepted this universal truth. And we're happy for her. She's awesome.

ABBY: COMPETITION IS IMPORTANT.

PAIGE: But so are friendships.

BROOKE: And it's like you don't want us to be friends with Maddie.

PAIGE: Mom, this goes for you, too. Every time you get in a fight with another mom, it makes things awkward between us and our pals. Sometimes, it seems like you want us to have zero friends.

KELLY: Girls, I'm so sorry. Occasionally, I forget that this show is real life. And that all of you are real kids. With real friends.

ABBY: I… I'm sorry, too. I just see so much potential in all of you.

KELLY: (Laughs) Where have I heard that line before? Oh right, YOU SAID THAT TO ME WHEN I WAS A KID!

ABBY: YOU COULD'VE BEEN GREAT, KELLY!

KELLY: I WANTED TO BE A CHEERLEADER, MOVE ON! (Stands up)

ABBY: Come at me! COME AT ME! I DARE YOU ATTACK ME AGAIN.

BROOKE: Miss Abby, please stop it. Mom. Sit down. Count backwards from 75.

KELLY: (Begins counting backwards from 75)

PAIGE: Miss Abby, we do care about dance. We wouldn't be here if we didn't.

BROOKE: But we also care about friends and family. Mom, you're family, and Miss Abby, you're sort of friends/sort of family. So, can the two of you quit clawing each others' eyes out? Because both of you are important to us.

PAIGE: Hug! Hug! Hug!

ABBY & KELLY: (Hug) I'M SO SORRY FOR EVERYTHING! (Crying)

FADE OUT

FADE IN: PAIGE IS TAKING A NAP ON THE COUCH.

PAIGE: (Wakes up, sees Brooke sitting on the other end of the couch) Whoa. I just had the weirdest dream. We lectured Mom and Miss Abby. And Miss Abby and Mom were hugging and apologizing to one another.

BROOKE: HAHAHAHAHA, like that'd ever happen.

THE END

Image: Getty