There are a lot of conversations that you will have with your partner throughout being together — some of them are conversations you maybe shouldn't have had in retrospect, and others are conversations you have to have with your partner, no matter what. There will be moments when you two go beneath the surface and discuss serious topics — maybe it’s politics or maybe it’s specific cultural views. There will be other times where you go back into each other’s pasts and reveal things about yourself, making you both feel closer. There will be hard talks, funny moments, and conversations that lead to tears of sadness and tears of joy. And let’s not forget tears from laughing too hard. All in all, through communication, you and your partner will truly get to know each other.
There are certain conversations that every relationship will have at one point in time. Even if they make you feel uncomfortable, you need to be able to express yourself to your mate. Your relationship will be at a standstill if both of you two avoid these topics. Having a background in Counseling Psychology and as a couples therapist, I have seen many lovers try their hardest to dodge these conversations. However, they are bound to happen, so why not just take the lead and jump right into it? Just know that having open communication with your significant other will only benefit you two —not the opposite.
Here are seven conversations you should be having with your lover at one point in time, so start speaking up.
1. About Sex
Turn up that Salt-N-Pepa jam and start talking about sex with your boyfriend/girlfriend. If you aren’t talking about how amazing/fantastic/spectacular your sex life is with your partner, it may be because it is a little lackluster. Now don’t let out those sex-sighs just yet! If you aren’t bragging about what’s happening under the sheets with your partner, there’s still hope. You can start talking about what it is that you both want sexually. Speak up for yourself and for want you want — you’ll thank me later.
2. About Long-Term Goals
I know dating shouldn’t be like an interview where your partner asks what is your five-year plan. However, if you’re hoping to be with your partner down the road, and I mean long road, then it’s best to discuss it. Do you both want the same things? Is marriage something either of you are interested in? Are you more of “I want a baby yesterday” person, or a “I don't even like babysitting kids," type of person? These are the things you need to be talking about with your mate.
3. About Fears
I know you don’t want to sit around and have a romantic night together talking about each other’s fears. With that being said, it’s something that will bring you much insight into your lover’s psyche. Sharing your vulnerable side with your one and only will bond you even more.
4. About Past Struggles
I’m not saying you have to treat your boyfriend or girlfriend like he or she is your therapist, but it’s crucial to open up about your past. Our childhoods are what shaped us. It’s vital to open up and share those memories (good and bad) when you are ready. Your partner wants to know all of you, even your past.
5. About Safe Sex
I know I mentioned that you two should be talking about sex, but talking about safe sex is so very crucial it’s on the list too. This is where you two need to discuss whether or not you have been tested for STDs, and the results of those tests. You need to be open and honest when it comes to another person’s health. Furthermore, you never want to assume you’re on the same page in terms of birth control. Have a conversation so you know for sure that you're both being as safe as possible.
6. About Uncomfortable Topics
Not every conversation you have with your partner is going to be an enjoyable one. There is bound to be some really uncomfortable and awkward ones. But the point of this isn’t to make you discuss excruciating topics. The point is that you two openly talk about what’s bothering you, what’s not working in your relationships, fears, upsetting emotions, etc.
7. About Finances
I saved the most boring topic for last. As the great Notorious B.I.G. once said, “Mo Money, Mo Problems.” On a slightly different note — no money, more problems. Anything to do with money actually equals problems. Money can be a tricky conversation to have, but it’s important to know where you both stand with certain things. When you are combining two lives together, you’re also combining expenses, so go on and discuss.
These conversations don't have to be dealbreakers. In fact, if the relationship is solid and secure, talking about these types of things will only make both of you feel more comfortable and relaxed with each other, and that's the ultimate goal in any partnership.
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