Have you ever thought, if only men learned how to finger by using fruit and then recorded it for the internet? Your prayers have been answered. The fellas over at Simple Pickup have released a video doing just that and put the best fingering techniques on YouTube.
And though I don't endorse the Simple Pickup's pickup lines/pickup game generally, I have to say this video makes me happy. I don't know if it's groundbreaking, as Cosmpolitan notes it pretty much breaks down to "1) If a woman bleeds while you finger her, you are doing something wrong, 2) you've really gotta work the clit, and 3) no, really, the clit thing is important".
In fact, to make it clear they put the word clit REAL BIG. A lot of times. But it made me smile. And you know what, a lot of people still don't get it fingering, as a lot of us have experienced it firsthand (GET IT?!). So while it may seem obvious to us, this video is probably needed.
And I just love watching weird stuff with fruit. It's just a thing I have. In fact, a large part of watching this video was just me seeing if I was correctly identifying the fruit. Don't judge. We each have our own journey.
They looked at what 100 sexually active women like and here's what they learned, in fruit form:
1. The Facts
Ninety percent of women liked being fingered— I was sort of surprised that it wasn't 100 percent. Also, I'm not so impressed by using raisins for the "MILFs".
2. It's Not Enough
Sixty percent said they needed more than penetration alone to orgasm— no surprise there.
3. The Clit (Part 1 Of Many)
Our first clit sighting— 3/4 women need clit stimulation (please refer to the green apples).
4. Cut Your Nails
This is actually important advice, as you will know if you've ever hooked up with someone who hasn't cut their nails. (Seriously. Please.). Although their other explanation for blood was the 'sex gods hating you' and the girl being on her period, which is ridiculous because we all know period sex is awesome.
5. Most Guys Don't Know What They're Doing
No girl wants to be that kiwi.
6. Clit... Again
They want you to be friends with the clit, such good friends you follow them on Instagram. I'm actually OK with that advice and briefly considered a clit Instagram account.
7. You've Found The Cilt... Now What
Gently rub the clit and build pressure slowly? Sounds good to me.
8. And More Clit
This doesn't not look so appealing, but there's maybe that's the honeydew.
9. BUT NOT TOO MUCH CLIT
They rightfully said you can't get mental with the clit. You need to work around it until the woman is wet enough and ready for...
10. Fingering Time
Good on them for pointing out you need to be wet first and can't jump right to the fingering. Bad on them for using a fruit that looks like it's filled with creepy spider eyes.
11. What The Hell Is An A-Spot?
I genuinely have no effing clue. I need to do some googling.
12. The Best Advice
OK this is for real important: when the girl is moaning and happy and excited and near the brink— DO NOT CHANGE ANYTHING. Seriously. We like what you're doing, that's what's making us orgasm. Don't change it. It's so so so frustrating.
13. Lawrence of A Labia
The pun speaks for itself.
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Images: SimplePickup/Youtube
