Why Drunk Food Is The Only Food That Matters

I tend to argue a lot, but the one thing none of my friends disagree with me on, is why drunk food is the best food. Why argue about something obvious, am I right? Drunk Food Time (DFT) is a right of passage for anyone who has committed to a night out. It's just as sacred as the process of getting ready, taking pictures with friends and paying for over priced drinks. It's just what we do.

One of my favorite memories in college was walking out of my bedroom at around 3 A.M. and finding my two best friends sitting around the kitchen table. The floor was littered with popcorn and the whole place smelled like something was burning. As I rubbed my eyes and asked what was going on, it was clear that they were engaging in DFT. And you know what, I love them more for it.

In the past I've proposed to street vendors who were able to provide me with delicious gyros. I've hugged the lady serving hot meats on sticks outside of west LA nightclubs. I've also applauded and started chants for the guy working the snack counter near a concert venue. People who are able to serve me food when I'm drunk are heroes among men.

Drunk food is the best food. Below are the steps of getting the drunk food after a night of drinking that are scary accurate, as told by BuzzFeed:

Step One: Recognize The Problem

When we are drunk, we tend to exaggerate. But you know what? We perceive that we have "literally never been this hungry", so why couldn't that be true? Isn't our reality really just shaped out of our perceptions? Whatever man, I'm drunk.

Step Two: Decisions

It's fast. It's bold. It's Taco Bell.

No matter where or when this chain of fast food will not disappoint your drunken self. At least not until you get the "morning poops" the next day.

Step Three: Do They All Know I'm Drunk

Sadly, they do. They all do. Maybe it was because you were wayyyyyy too polite when ordering, or maybe it was because you couldn't find your wallet for three full minutes. Either way, they all know. So you can slouch back down and stop trying to make eye contact.

Step Four: More Food

Once you start, you often can't stop. It's because the alcohol has shut off that part of your brain that feels your stomach. Why stop eating just because it seems like a good idea to stop? Food tastes good. You have to keep going.

Step Five: Reap Your Reward

Sit back and enjoy the beauty that is the bounty before you. Smell it, touch it, gorge on it. Tonight was a total success and your stomach demands its reward.

Watch the full video below. Try not to yelp every time you recognize exactly what you did last weekend.

Images: Youtube (6)