You know we’ve reached the pinnacle of self-indulgence and obsession with ourselves when we go from selfies to the Dildo Selfie Stick. It’s no longer about just capturing photos of yourself on a boat or, as some people do, at grandma’s funeral, now it’s about embracing and photographing your “O” face for all eternity… and even uploading that awesomeness to Facebook. All your friends and that creepy uncle of yours always wanted to know what you looked like when you climaxed, and now you can give that to them. Isn’t technology grand?
Well, sadly, not that grand.
Much to the disappointment of selfie-obsessed, narcissists everywhere, I’m here to tell you that no, the Dildo Selfie Stick doesn't seem to be real. It’s just a dream; a tease really, although who wants to place bets that someone will take this fake product, get some financial backers, and go with it? If you can video chat from inside your vagina, then taking selfies while mid-ecstasy shouldn’t be that far off. Then, and only then, will we truly have arrived as the greatest society on Earth… or the worst. You decide.
But as much as the idea of the Dildo Selfie Stick might make you cringe, I think that it does have some legitimate things about it that some people, maybe even non-narcissists too, might appreciate. Here are six reasons why the Dildo Selfie Stick should be real.
1. Selfies Are Really Hot Right Now
Even before Kim Kardashian's book Selfish was published, selfies were already a thing. Since phones started coming with cameras, people have been taking selfie after selfie of themselves all over the world and, of course, at the most inappropriate times, too. Personally, I'd rather someone take a selfie of themselves masturbating than in front of the 9/11 memorial like some of the tourists downtown just love to do.
2. Selfie Sticks Need A Better Use Than The One They Have
With the invention of the selfie stick came the ability to not just take a selfie, but take a selfie from far enough away so as to encompass more of the background. It's one thing to say your selfie was taken at the Taj Mahal, but if it's just your big ol' head in the way, you could be on the toilet for all we know.
But while that's great in theory, selfie sticks have become a total nuisance. I can't even tell you how many times I was accidentally smacked in the head with a damn selfie stick during my travels this past summer. If people were keeping their selfie sticks attached to their dildos inside their homes, it would be safer for everyone.
3. You’ll Finally Know What You Look Like When You Orgasm
Unless you make it a habit of having sex or masturbating in front of mirror, you may have no clue what your "O" face looks like! If that's the case, this is your big chance to change all that. You might even find that you like what you see so much, you'll have a few printed up for this year's holiday cards.
4. You Can Share That “O” Face All Over Social Media
If we're to be completely honest with ourselves, then we can admit to the fact that, of course, everyone wants to know what you look like when you have an orgasm. EVERYONE. Thanks to the Dildo Selfie Stick, you can post those photos all over the place, including the hashtag obviously: #DildoSelfieStick
5. It’s Compatible With All Dildos
No matter if you're single or coupled up, there's a good chance you have more than a few dildos and vibrators lying around, because each one offers a different sensation, right? Well since that's the case, you'll get to capture how each of your orgasm faces differ with every dildo you have in your drawer. So. Effing. Awesome.
6. It’s The Perfect Gift For Every Narcissist You Know
Narcissists are the ultimate worst to buy for! But with the Dildo Selfie Stick, that will no longer be the case. You can finally get them exactly what they didn't even know they wanted! Then they're happy and you get to be known as the greatest gift giver this side of the Mississippi.
Or... you could just buy it for yourself. I won't judge; hell, I might be right behind you in line.
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Images: dildoselfiestick/YouTube
