Letting your guard down in a new relationship: completely essential to moving forward, but scarier than sending your snapchat sext to “My Story” by accident. You're just getting to know each other and you are definitely starting to care about them, but how do you make the next leap? Opening yourself up and allowing yourself to be vulnerable with another person not only allows your relationship to grow, it helps to build trust and an even more solid foundation for the future. But where do you even begin? Well, if you're looking to build intimacy in a relationship, there are a few conversations you can have with your significant other that will bring you close together.
If you find that they're ready to share some important things about themselves with you, and you're ready to reciprocate, there are a few ways you can start the dialogue. The key, though, is to make sure you work these questions into what you're talking about already. If you decide to introduce these topics too abruptly, it may catch the person off guard, and make it difficult for them to respond. But, if you do it right, you will begin to notice just how much closer the two of you are growing.
1. What's Your Family Like?
Basic, but important. If he/she decides to open up about their family, and what they mean to them, than you're at a good start to learn more about what is important to them. Also, if they have a good relationship with their parents, especially their mother, that is extremely telling of what kind of person they are.
2. What's Your Biggest Fear?
It sounds cliché (and you can rephrase this whatever way you want) but you can build a lot of closeness by sharing the things you're most afraid of in life. It's difficult to open up about your fears – in fact, you probably feel the most vulnerable talking about them – so sharing this with your SO and having them share it with you as well is a way to build trust and security. It can also give you another way to support one another.
3. Could You Tell Me About Your First Love?
It depends how comfortable you are with asking this, and how comfortable they are with answering, but sometimes talking about first, real relationships can be interesting. Not only will it illuminate who they were in the past, you may learn about how they now operate in the context of their recent romantic relationships. How did that relationship change them, and how have they grown since then?
4. What Do You Want From Your Future?
Everyone has goals for their lives. Maybe he/she didn't get to backpack through Europe in college and that's next on their agenda, or perhaps they're the classic type who just wants to start a family. Regardless, knowing what that person is working toward within the next five years clues you into what is important to them, and possibly where you stand in that context.
5. What's The Hardest Thing You've Ever Had To Do?
Once again, phrase this as you like, but the idea should still remain the same. Discussing challenges your new SO has dealt with in the past could definitely open them up to talking about things they aren't comfortable sharing with other people. This is a good way to learn what kind of events shaped the person they are, and how they choose to deal with difficult situations.
6. When Did You Lose Your Virginity?
Maybe you're looking to become intimate in a more physical way, and if that's the case, try and steer the conversation in that direction. Learning how someone lost their virginity could be both a moment you two laugh about, but also open up a dialogue that can build comfort for the bedroom. This topic can easily be steered toward, “so what do you like?” or “what are your favorite things to do during sex?” And as you know, sex is always better when you're both comfortable enough to talk about it.
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