I know we've been conditioned to believe that there's a huge difference between the good Disney characters and the villains, but I'm starting to believe there are a bunch of beloved Disney characters who are actually total jerks. If you really look closely, just because someone is the hero or heroine of the story, or a theoretically nice character whom everything works out for, doesn't necessarily mean that they deserve it or that they aren't a secret scumbag. In fact, some of the supposed "goodies" are actually worse than the "baddies," because at least the villains are loud and proud about it. When you're comparing, say, Ariel and Ursula from The Little Mermaid, you'd probably be like, "Duh, the evil one is the Sea Witch." But I don't know if I agree with that! Because, while it's bad to steal someone's voice, Ursula said she was going to in a contract. Which Ariel knowingly signed and then broke!
So maybe the real slimeball here isn't the misunderstood octopus lady who can do magic, but still sticks to a mutually-agreed upon contract, plainly states her intentions, and then makes a consensual trade, but the fickle mermaid who signs away her voice, her entire life, and everyone she knows for a pair of legs and the shot at swapping spit with some prince. (Who will show up later on in this list, bt-dubs.) Just something to think about as you scroll through all these characters you think you love — below the surface, some of them are total jerks.
1. Simba from The Lion King
Dude, don't ditch your friends as soon as your love interest from years and years ago comes along. Totally rude. And it also clearly wasn't a surprise to Timon and Pumba, because they already had a whole song about it planned.
2. Snow White from Snow White and the Seven Dwarves
You had one job — don't let people in the house. It's not even your house, girl. You broke in. Jerky jerkface.
3. Aladdin from Aladdin
I mean, now we're just lying to the girl we supposedly love, and it's about being way richer than you actually are, which is a total red flag.
4. Anita from 101 Dalmatians
I don't know if you recall, but Cruella De Vil was actually an old school friend of Anita's, so Anita is the one who brought the fur-fiend around in the first place! Party foul, my friend, party foul. What does it say about her that she has friends like that?
5. Buzz Lightyear from Toy Story
When you're coming into a group of new toys that you've never met before, you need to check yourself before you wreck yourself. But Buzz came in so cocky that I almost forgive Woody for reacting the way he did. Yeah, so you're the kid's new favorite toy. So what? Have some self-awareness, and stop rubbing that in the faces of all his old, abandoned favorites.
6. John Smith from Pocahontas
I mean, do I need to explain beyond the whole showing up on land and deciding it's yours thing?
7. Triton from The Little Mermaid
How bad of a father do you have to be to not only alienate your daughter to the extent that she wants to be an entirely different species living in an entirely different world, but not even notice when she's gone? I understand that you have a bunch of kids, but this one seems especially prone to running away, so maybe keep an extra eye on her.
8. Prince Eric from The Little Mermaid
Speaking of jerks from The Little Mermaid, may I draw your attention to Prince Eric? A man who finds a voiceless woman washed ashore and takes her on a date, where they have a great time until someone better comes along and he tries to marry her, like, right away. Fine, fine, he was hypnotized, but instead of playing a guessing game to learn the voiceless woman's name, how about you ask her to write it down?
9. Megara from Hercules
Hercules is super open about falling for her at first sight, like the dope that he is, and she jerks him around a bunch. (Remember her tricking him into freeing Pain and Panic by acting like they're just regular little boys trapped under a boulder? Just because she didn't want to do it doesn't excuse the fact that she did.) She has a good reason for not trusting Hercules, given that she was screwed over by a previous boyfriend, but that's no excuse for being such a jerk.
10. Prince Charming from Cinderella
Oh, so we danced all night and you seriously don't recognize me just because I changed my dress? You have to literally go door to door and try shoes on people's feet? Ugh, what a player.
11. Elsa from Frozen
Surely, there had to have been a better way to keep your sister Anna safe from your snow powers than by totally icing her out, right? (Pun intended.) I get that it was all for her own good, but you kind of messed with your sister's whole childhood there, buddy.
12. Pinocchio from Pinocchio
If there's a part on your body that's genetically engineered to grow when you lie, methinks you're not the nicest of puppets. I'm onto you, you little wooden boy.
13. Peter Pan from Peter Pan
Hey, how about let's cool it for a second with stealing kids from their families and away to Neverland every time you see an open window. If you need a Mother over there so bad, why don't you figure out cooking and putting the Lost Boys to bed instead of abducting Wendy Darling to do it?
14. Mary Poppins from Mary Poppins
If you wanna talk about gas-lighting, how about when your nanny jumps into sidewalk chalk with you and shows you a miraculous land where you can ride merry-go-round horses up and down the countryside... and then the next day won't even acknowledge that magic is real. What's your damage, Poppins?
I'm sure everyone's just trying their best, but, at the end of the day, there isn't always a ton of difference between the Disney characters who get a happy ending and the ones who don't. I don't know if nice guys finish last, but jerks definitely finish first.
Images: Buena Vista Pictures; Walt Disney Feature Animation; Giphy (14)
