In theory, threesomes are really hot. Whether you have them with two men, two women, or a guy and a girl, the way a threesome fantasy plays out in your head is utterly delicious. Everyone gets their turn, the stimulation is non-stop, and everyone high-fives each other when it's over and walks away buddies, somehow enlightened by the whole experience. You get to tell people that you tried a threesome, that you either did or didn’t care for it, and are somehow changed, in a good way, and wiser for it. At least that’s how one usually imagines it to play out. But, honestly, lots of things are great in theory.
I’ve had two threesomes in my life. Having decided long ago that I would try the threesome thing at least once before I died, when the two opportunities arose, I went for it. Each one came about organically, it wasn't as though I was trolling for a threesome, and each one was very different, most likely because of the players. The first one, which was with two men, left me thinking, "I will never, EVER do THAT again," while the second one, which was with a guy and a girl, left me thinking, "Cool. Can cross that off the list." But, in the end, I was forced to realize a very painful truth about myself: I’m not a threesome girl. I'm just not.
But with those two experiences under my belt and having more than a few friends who have given the whole threesome thing a try, I can say that expectations and reality don't always coincide when it comes to threesomes. In fact, the two aren't even in the same hemisphere. Here are seven expectations you have for a threesome and the reality that throws a bit of a wrench into the whole thing.
1. Expectation: Everyone Gets Their Turn
Everyone is going to be focused on everyone else! We'll all have our turn, and it's going to be fair and hot and sexy and wonderful. There are going to be sooo many orgasms had!
Reality: Someone Will Always Feel Left Out
The term “third wheel” exists for a reason, and nowhere in life is that more evident than in a threesome.
2. Expectation: Double Penetration Is Going To Be Super Hot
I mean, it looks super hot in porn, and the thoughts of being penetrated vaginally and anally at once seems like a total blast. The more the merrier, right?
Reality: Whoa, Nelly. Too Much Effing Traffic
Nope. My first threesome involving the two men made me realize that one penis is definitely more than enough for me. I could have done the DP, but passed, because when you have two penises in front of you, it just doesn’t seem like such a great idea after all.
3. Expectation: A Threeway Kiss Is Totally Doable
Getting to kiss two people you find attractive at once? Three tongues and three sets of lips ― oh, yes! It’s like a group hug, but way better!
Reality: Actually, There’s Only So Much Room For Noses
Due the structure of our faces, a threeway kiss is impossible. In fact, it's just as awkward as watching Taylor Swift dance in the audience at an awards show.
4. Expectation: We Don’t Need Rules; We’re Just Going To Go With It
You’re wild and crazy! You don’t need rules or a discussion beforehand about what you’re into or not into ― it’s all going to be so great! There’s no time to layout particulars! Let's make this a free-for-all!
Reality: You Need Some Damn Rules
In a threesome, you’re pushing your boundaries and, especially if it’s new to you, stepping out of your comfort zone. Just as it would be the case with anyone you haven’t had sex with before, it’s important to be clear about what you want and don’t want up front. Just because it’s a threesome, doesn’t mean that rules get thrown out the window.
5. Expectation: This Totally Isn’t Going To Change My Relationship With These People
This is my BFF and my boyfriend, so how could it possibly ruin, or even change my relationship at all? We’ll probably be even closer. It will be a moment that will forever bind us.
Reality: Threesomes Change Everything
Unless you’re having a threesome with two total strangers you never plan to see again (something I advise against), having a threesome with someone you already know is absolutely going to change your relationship. If you have sex with your friend, your relationship will be changed. If you decide to have a threesome with your partner and your friend, it will most definitely change not just your friendship, but your relationship with your partner. These are things to consider, before crawling into bed with two people you love and care about.
You also need to consider the jealousy factor: Can your relationship handle a threesome?
6. Expectation: Multi-Stimulation Is Going To Be Awesome
To have both your clit and your lips (the ones on your face), given attention at the same time just seems ideal, doesn’t it? Or maybe giving a blow job while you’re having sex, right? So. Hot.
Reality: Multitasking Is Really Hard
You know how 69 is a total pain in the ass because you’re pleasuring someone while trying to enjoy pleasure? Yeah... so the same thing goes when you’re in a threesome. It’s hard to fully enjoy something when you’re concentrating on working on someone else’s bits and pieces.
7. Expectation: Two-Person Sex Will Never Satisfy You Again
But of course you’re going to be so overly-stimulated and turned on that just one person will never be good enough for you again. I mean, OBVIOUSLY.
Reality: You’ll Probably Realize One Person Is Enough
Even if you love your threesome, there’s a pretty good chance that you’ll realize that they’re only best in certain situations or on special occasions. As I said, they’re totally great in theory, but once you’ve had one, you’ll realize that they just don’t work so well in the real life. Three tends to be a crowd, and even the most seasoned threesome person will probably agree.
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