Trying to get an exact number on how many heterosexual couples have engaged in anal sex isn’t very easy. A 2009 study by the Kinsey Confidential suggested that roughly 25 percent of straight men and women try anal sex at one point, and that only about 10 percent had had it in the last year. When it came to women, specifically, a recent study found that one in three straight women have given anal a try at least once. Although it has come along way and is far more socially acceptable for a straight woman to like, or even love anal sex, it’s still something that’s not discussed enough. It still feels like the dirty little secret that you’d only let your partner know, and would never, ever even think about telling your friends. Of course, that mentality absolutely needs to change.
Because of the social taboos that surround anal sex, the anxiety that comes with trying it or even practicing it regularly is a real issue for many women. They’re nervous about the pain, the vulnerability that comes with it, how they’ll feel about themselves after it, and, of course, poop. Yes, the fear that your partner will remove his penis from your ass and there will be mass amounts of sh*t everywhere is a legitimate fear of every living, breathing, even sexually evolved woman. We just can’t stop being scared of a possible poop scenario, and that’s OK.
Anal sex is, when done right, quite enjoyable. It’s just a matter of getting over that anxiety that’s attached to even the idea of it. So, if you’re thinking you’d like to get more anal play in your life, take a deep breath, reach for a glass of wine, and read these seven ways to feel less anxious about anal sex.
1. Forget The Anal Sex Taboo
While the number of women who have tried anal and practice anal sex regularly is still in the minority, the new acceptance for it as it becomes more and more mainstream, should really kill any taboos attached to it. In fact, if you’re so concerned about all of a sudden becoming Anal Girl once you try it, then you should realize you’re actually in good company. A recent study found the women most likely to try anal are educated and rich ―a doesn’t sound like a bad club to belong to, does it?
Besides, let's be honest, things that are taboo are pretty effing hot.
2. Ignore The Poop Urban Legends
Yes, we’ve all heard the horror stories about anal sex! We’ve all heard about the girl who sh*t the bed immediately afterward or the guy who pulled out to find corn pieces all over his penis ― we’ve all heard those stories! But the reality is that just because you do anal, it’s not a guaranteed fact that there will be a poop issue.
Of course if you have to go to the bathroom or are having a stomach problem, going the anal route is not a smart idea, but that’s just basic common sense. However, if it’s only fear of poop that’s standing in the way of your anal play, then talk to your partner about not penetrating you so deep or opt for an enema beforehand if you’re truly THAT concerned. Sex isn’t supposed to be free of some awkward, messy situations, so if something goes mildly awry, whether it’s vaginally or anally, it’s always best to just laugh it off.
3. Take Baby Steps
While I’m sure there are some women who have gone into anal sex with everything they have and loved it, there are those who need to dip their toes in the anal sex pool first. In taking steps toward anal sex by indulging in some anal play first, it will help decrease your anxiety about the whole thing. So, have your partner use their fingers or maybe even a small butt plug so you can get an idea of the sensation you’ll be experiencing before jumping right in.
4. Make Peace With The Potential For Minimal Pain
When you first had sex, it hurt a bit, right? If it didn’t hurt, I imagine it felt weird, uncomfortable, and maybe like you were doing it wrong. That’s how anal sex feels the first time, too. You’re having a part of your body penetrated for the very first time, so of course there’s going to be a bit of pain. The pain is not unbearable, it’s not going to have you crying your eyes out, and if you use enough lube and are really turned on (which will relax you), you might even find that there’s no pain involved. You may even experience an anal orgasm, because both the G-spot and erectile tissue inside are being perfectly stimulated.
However, if it does hurt, like a lot, stop. The last thing anyone wants is an infection in their anal cavity. The reason for it hurting could be that you're not relaxed enough or that you need to use more lube.
5. Have A Trial Run
Along with taking baby steps with your partner, why not try anal sex on your own first? The best part about this technique is that, with a dildo or butt plug and lube in hand, you can get a sense of how deep you like it, what angle works best, and just how much lube you’re going to need to make it a satisfying experience. It's similar to when you masturbate vaginally ― in knowing what you like and what feels best for you, you can bring that newly discovered knowledge to your partner.
6. Talk To Your Partner About Your Fears
Anal sex isn’t something you just decide to do on a whim. It’s usually discussed beforehand and in that discussion you can tell your partner all your anal sex fears. You can tell them you’re scared about the poop factor, that you think the pain will be torturous, or that you wonder if they’ll still love you even when you’re Anal Girl. No matter what your concerns are, talk about them and come up with a plan of attack should your worst fears do come true. There’s a very small likelihood that they will, but it will be good to know that, going in, if something doesn’t go as planned, you’ve made a pact to laugh it off and just try something else.
7. Have A Drink
Now, I want to emphasize that I'm not advocating getting drunk at all! What I am advocating is having a glass of wine beforehand, if you still feel hesitant and anxious. A glass of wine is exactly all you need to take the edge off and relax your brain enough so your body will follow suit, and all of a sudden the thought of anal sex won't seem all that daunting.
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