People change. Over the course of time, it's possible that you're going in separate directions in your relationship. Maybe you both once loved long lazy afternoons together, but lately you've been feeling too anxious to relax. Or maybe it's more serious — the two of you used to be able to open up to each other honestly and effortlessly, but these days it feels impossible to express your thoughts. It's easy to feel discouraged, disappointed, hurt or otherwise burnt out in these cases. It's also easy to feel sorry for yourself, or ask the age-old question: Why me? Although all of these things are possible (and probable) in this situation, it's also a good idea to look at the facts and ascertain whether this is really what's going on.
"If your relationship is beginning to feel more like a night at the fights and less like a love affair, because the two of you are sparring back and forth like Mohammad Ali and Joe Frazier, it may be time for one or both of you to throw in the towel," says relationship coach and psychic medium Cindi Sansone-Braff, author of Why Good People Can't Leave Bad Relationships. She shared 10 signs that you and your partner are heading in two different directions, which could ultimately result in a breakup, "or to start doing some serious work on your relationship."
1. You Or Your Partner Are Constantly On Social Media
If you and your partner are on Instagram more than you're with each other, you're definitely not on the same path — and you're trying to avoid or evade it, says Sansone-Braff. This can happen in a relationship that is no longer copacetic. "Even when you’re together, you’re both staring at your smartphones, texting other people, answering emails, checking out dating sites, and liking other people’s posts on Facebook, and you’re not doing anything to show that you’re actually still liking each other."
2. Other People Can Tell You're Going Separate Ways
Sometimes others can see it before you can. Fighting can be a very real symptom of a couple heading in two separate routes, and this can result in friends avoiding you. If "other couples don’t want to go out with the two of you because you sound like the Bickersons with all your verbal warfare," says Sansone-Braff, it's time to reevaluate.
It can look like this, she says: "Everyone around you — your friends, family, and even the village idiot — wonders why the hell the two of you are still together." If it's this glaringly obvious to others, it's only a matter of time before you come to accept it too. When "you constantly complain to everyone about each other, and air your dirty laundry so much that other people feel uncomfortable to be around the two of you," says Sansone-Braff, you're definitely no longer on the same page.
3. You're Always Rolling Your Eyes
Perhaps at one time, you totally "got" your partner, and vice versa. But when everything your partner does starts to annoy or disgust you, it's a problem, Sansone-Braff says. "You’re always criticizing, nitpicking, rehashing old fights and blaming him or her for everything that’s wrong with the relationship." When you get each other, it's easy to live and let live, and allow your partner to do whatever it is they want or need to feel good about life. But if you find, for example, that you and your partner are saying mean things to each other and don't feel the need to apologize, that means you've given up on being understanding and supportive. This can come as a result of being more and more disconnected from your partner.
4. You're Not Pleasing Each Other
It's important to be able to put a smile on your partner's face, and vice versa. If you're finding your partner's jokes stale and they now hate the little things you do for them that they used to love, your relationship needs some work — stat.
5. Sex Isn't Really A Thing
A particularly sad symptom of a relationship housing two people heading in different directions is when sex is now a loaded issue, Sansone-Braff says. "For instance: You can’t remember the last time you had sex," she says, "and the mere thought of being intimate with this person gives you hives." If it's that obvious, alarm bells are likely already going off for you.
But there are cases where it can be more subtle: "Your mate says he doesn’t want sex because he’s tired, but then you walk in on him pleasuring himself while looking at porn," she says. Or maybe it's as simple as you want sex and she doesn’t.
6. You're Fighting All The Time
It can feel incredibly disappointing when the person you thought you'd be with for a long time starts adopting a different modus, and this can cause some brutal fights. In this case, "your arguments become screaming matches, things get thrown, and you’re beginning to fear that things could even get physical in the future," Sansone-Braff says.
7. You're Looking Outside For Answers
Instead of going to your partner, you're constantly speculating what might be on their mind. One example? "You keep going to psychic after psychic to find out what your mate is thinking, feeling and doing," Sansone-Braff says. "These are questions that you should be asking your mate, not a psychic." When communication starts to atrophy, this can often be a sign that you and your beau are no longer on the same road.
8. You Take Each Other For Granted
Or worse: You've stopped looking forward to seeing your partner at the end of a long day and romance is non-existent, Sansone-Braff says. "You don’t wine and dine each other, complement each other, speak tender words, kiss, cuddle or hug." This can be a red flag related to lots of different core problems, but one such issue is definitely that you're heading in separate directions. "You no longer enjoy each other’s company, and you find yourself dreading the mere thought of spending an evening alone with this person," says Sansone-Braff.
9. You're Physically Parting Ways
If you don't see your partner very often these days, there's a reason for that. "Your mate doesn’t call you or choose to see you, but just sends off a quick text from time to time to let you know that he or she is still alive," says Sansone-Braff. In other words, you're not putting in the time or effort to be together, physically or otherwise.
10. You're Feeling Suspicious
Even if your partner has done nothing to confirm your hunches, when you feel mistrustful of your partner, there is probably reason for it. "Your gut keeps telling you that your mate is up to no good," Sansone-Braff says. "You find yourself continually questioning your mate about his or her whereabouts." This feels terrible, and can only make you feel like crap about yourself. If you've found yourself "stalking your mate’s Facebook page, and you obsessively start checking up on this person," you've officially come to a part in the road.
"If your gut tells you that your mate is cheating, then there’s a really high probability that this just might be the case," Sansone-Braff says. Even if not, the fact that you're feeling so wary is cause for concern. It's possible to save a relationship on the brink of splitting with some "serious work." But if you've already been walking two separate paths for a long time, it may be better to accept the truth of the matter.
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